Toxic parents

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I am so tired . I grew up in a very toxic household . Even though I have a family I still feel alone ,never appreciated for anything only blamed me for their faults and failures . At first I thought it was really because of me I tried ending my life multiple times but was not successful . I don't know what to do I am so tired of fighting I am at a state where I can't sleep at all and only feel sleepy when I am too sad but wake up feeling tired af. I get scared at small things like someone calling me or opening the door suddenly .My morning starts with my mother screaming at me that I should die idk what should I do . Finally I am thinking of running away but I am just 18 and don't even have enough money to do that .

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