you swore she was so gross you swore you would never. you'd make fun of her and said how much you disliked her. she's your neighbor but your family knows her so she's like always over. we would spend days and nights together locked in your room, getting high sleeping, eating, fucking. our own little messy sanctuary that gross brown couch that had the paint chipping off. the beer cans scattered around the floor. your bong in the center of that brown little table. the way your bed couldn't fit the two of us but you'd cuddle up close to make it so. its been since 2014 that i met you and you were in my life. something about your indecision kept me begging for you to give me a chance again, even if it just meant you calling me over to eat get high have sex and then nap until i had to go home. when you'd wake up at 4 in the morning just to go drop me back off so we could both sleep a bit more before work. i wanted everything with you. i didnt care how much you'd fuck with my feelings. i thought you'd be the one to have everything with. you'd joke about getting married, you'd play around with the thought of us having a baby. but deep inside i felt like i wanted that with you. i'd always sink into your brown eyes and lanky arms while gazing at your unfinished tattoos and that cute little scar tissue you had of the lip piercing the little funny way you'd randomly bite me.. your calloused hands holding mine driving in your fast car. but now its gone. i left. you told me you wouldnt be the one to give me what i wanted. i wanted it so bad to be you. there was a point where you said you could and you said you would make it work. but over time we'd just fight and my interest faded but i still somehow wanted you around. stupid selfish little me. i'd date other guys but still mess around with you i would leave them if you told me to. we played this sick little game with each other. we'd keep our distance but call each other. i wouldn't understand why you'd want me to hold you if we were nothing. i guess i'll always just wonder. but anyway. you have all of that with her. she has a kid that isnt yours and shes been in love with you forever. you've probably treated her better than you treated me. i know its really over now that you changed your number.