i don’t know what to write, i have no idea how i’m feeling but whatever this is i need it to stop. i lie awake in bed all night and then force myself up for school where i sit silently for six hours. my therapists all said i was fine and just got rid of me. i want to die. that’s all i want. not all this ‘kill the part of me that makes me this way’ bullshit. i don’t remember a time when i wasn’t this way so is it even possible? my mum said she’d kill herself if i died though. i can’t do that to her or my siblings. i wish they’d forget who i was, so i could go peacefully. but instead i will stay up all night again and then get up to go to a school i hate and i will do this until i physically can’t, hopefully that won’t be too long.