Tw// I just wanted to vent but advice is welcome.

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I feel depressed, suicidal, and anxious and it's messing with my ability to do school. I don't want to tell mom because I feel like she'll see it as me making up an excuse. I feel invisible in my house no body notices when I'm in a room. One time I was in the kitchen for about 30 minutes and no one noticed I was there and when there was an argument in response to my testimony on the matter my brother said "you weren't even there" when as I stated before I was there for 30 minutes which contained the entire event. I have voices in my head and I don't want to tell mom about it because I think she'll think I'm lying or send me to an institution or something, even though the voices are nice and treat me better than my family does. I also have tics (I'm not saying tourettes just some random undiagnosed tic syndrome) and she essentially just pushed them to the side. I have made attempts on my own life and committed self harm before. I'm also scared to tell them I'm pan and non binary. Mom puts a higher standard for me than my siblings. Every time I used to try and talk I would get told to shut up by someone and even when I bearly felt my room I was told I "talk too much" and "talk all the time" despite me bearly talking to them but then they turn around and get onto me and make jokes about me not having social skills. When I was home schooled for three years my siblings and their friends left me out of everything and I was pretty much completely alone also one sister specifically picked on (I say this but it was more like bullying) me especially about the way I walk so much that it became a sensitive topic to the point I almost cried whenever someone said something (they would call me a crybaby every time I cried anyway) and did on some occasions ( In my current state of mostly apathy it doesn't really affect me that much.) And then when she didn't have anyone to talk to for 1 day a singular day she stole (temporarily) my friend even though that was the only person I can talk to or hang out with ( said best friend is my girlfriend but my family doesn't know that) and my immediate thought process was I've been alone for long enough it's your turn now. This is getting pretty long so that's all for now ~ Doc (she/they)

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