last school year, everybody in my grade constantly sexualised my relationship w a girl (im a lesbian) to the point where i barely felt comfortable sitting near her remotely bc straight boys would come over and ask us sexual questions or tell us to do sexual things . a lot of the boys made sure to use homophobiv slurs and say shit like "do you think they scissor" around us andnit fucked me up. i didnt want to tell any teachers because i didnt want them to know i was gay . im so fucking scared its going to happen again this year. im trying to be straight passing but its hard because everybody already knows. ive started cutting again, bevause i feel shameful of who i am. my mkm kind of forced me to come out bc she was on my phone and found spme texts to my girlfriend at the time and i just want them to think im normal. im noy in a good place and i really want somebody to talk to but i dony feel comfortable talking to my friends or parents becayze i really really dont want them to think im doing this for attention or that im being a burden. i havent told my girlfriend either because i hate tellig her about my mental health bc i feel like shes so much better than me and the least i can do is be quiet so i dont bring her xown . plus, in previous incidents like this , her go to response is "oh, thats not good." shes not wrong, but she never really seems to care beyond that point, which is fine. im sorry my typing is sloppy, generally im not in a great place, but in this very moment its really bad which is why im wrutung this in the furst place. anyways, take care of yourselves !!! stay safe !!
Re: tw; self harm, mental health, mentions of homophobia
I love you. I can’t pretend to understand. I’m as straight as they get. But as a boy I looked like such s pretty girl. Boys would ask me out; then call me gay because they thought I was female. Once I was with cheerleaders; in my cowboy clothes (I was really a cowboy). An older boy asked me out.
Another time a man was outed. Only I would still talk to him. Rumors spread I was gay. I dated half the cheerleaders in college. Married a cheerleader. But gay for being nice to a gay. Fuck them. I still defend gays. I write to politicians on their behalf. I love Jesus. You are one of God’s children. I will fight for you.
In college I dropped off a hottie. Stopped for gas. Two guys jumped & started beating/stomping a small gay dude. Then my 285 lbs ended in. I whipped those asses.
Change is slow; but there’s more & more people like me every day. You just have to be brave.
About me. I’m autistic. We aren’t treated great either. So just be brave. I just prayed for you. Some will tell you gays goto hell. That’s a lie. They want to push that hate on you. I argued with a preacher recently who was spewing that shit. Gluttony is a deadly sin. He was a fat ass who just ate a bugger. I said I guess your fat ass will be in hell with all the gays huh? Heaven will be empty with only me & Jesus. He got so embarrassed & mad. Do not let others define you young lady. God loves you. You are just as important as anyone else. Love yourself. As an autistic I always felt alone. Oh people loved watching me run touchdowns. Loved having sex with me. But they didn’t love or want to be around me.
It’s funny. People think autistics are deaf. I’d set in school; work; my home as they said hateful stuff near me. I’d act like I couldn’t hear them laughing at me. But I didn’t let it break me.
One day my son got in trouble for defending a gay boy. My son is very straight; best athlete in school; but a good Christian kid. That boy was an orphan with no friends. Now he comes to our house. He’s friends with all my sons friends. The biggest toughest guys in school. I wish every elite athlete was like my son. I wish all kids had a good heart. But it’s people like him; & you, that bring light to this world.