You stop to check on me. Wow. That makes me feel like someone that should probably be living in a resident inpatient facility Like their was something wrong with me. And we all know their is. But you come, and I'm grateful for the conversations. It seems I have less and less of those as time goes on.But I can not stand up to what i think u would paint as the perfect picture . Number one, ur not looking. Neither WAS I. Then, with every space of time in between visits,I got tired of seeing the leaving/gone part. The physical image u seem to be intrested in is one that i can not ever be. Looks, disposition, mental, educational, financial, capabilities, ability to care for myself let alone run a household, cook clean and even stick with a job/budget, are not what I imagine "up to par" with what u would find attractive and wanting in any manner. Otherwise, u wouldnt feel the need to use the "checking up on me" thing as an excuse.Ur saving money. I get that. Thinking that ur doing a tit for tat type deal. Thank u for thinking and doing good for me by remembering I'm here, and swinging in. I wish we were still at the new phase. When I didn't feel unattractive, unwanted, unappealing, and like i was a chore or a duty you really weren't looking to forward too. And I get that I am "off," or "awkward", so thank u for dealing with me as well as u have. Now I feel like when u are here, it's for the hotel thing. And ur mind would rather just be else where So I'm guess I'm ok with the downgrade. I suppose.