I've recently come to a conclusion that I'm at expressing my emotions, I've been suppressing my feelings for about 2 years now and in no way shape or form is it healthy. I thought that becoming a private person would help me become a less emotional person but I feel like I'm growing, and that suppression is causing my anger issues. I have no patience or tolerance for anything, I kind of closed off myself from the world, I am at a loss because I can't express my emotions right, I keep on talking and explaining to people what's wrong with me but they don't listen.
They genuinely ask me all the time why I'm feeling lost and I explain and explain and let all my heart out to them but I feel like I have no voice. It's kind of like screaming but they're not listening.
I also have very bossy and strong people around me, at first I was very lucky to have friends like them but over the last few years I realized that they don't have the best intentions at heart, they don't want what's best for me, they're only good at manipulation (keep in mind that I am an extremely clueless person and will fall for this sort of trickery).
Anyway, they recently have been butting in my life and shaming me for the decisions I'm making, and I just keep losing my patience. I don't judge them about anything they do, I'm always supporting their crazy decisions and covering for them; so when they shame me, I just explode, I go into full anger mode where I black out the entire time I'm at a rage, I'm not aware of my surroundings or what I'm doing. I just have this sudden rage and hatred for the people around me for not caring about me then pretending "they want what's best for me".