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Unexplored me

When I was 12 years old I was just entering puberty maybe that's why I was more curious.. about sexual things.. even a pic of naval could arouse me so hard and was unaware of something like masturbating too.

So there was a guy idk somehow he managed me to get naked in front of him... So after that he used to call me at his place and used to strip me and kiss me all over and used to play with my dick...

At that time i used to enjoy those things...

He sometimes instisted to suck on him but I never did so.. our exploration adventure only involved touching and kissing... Even we(I) never ejaculated that time.

So then there was another guy idk how he got to know about my secret but he kinda blackmaied me and harrassed me .. kissed me ... It felt horrible..

So after years I'm grown up and i don't even remember those moments clearly but idk somehow I am getting attracted towards those moments... 

Even I search whether I'm straight or not... I got to knw it's normal for straight guy to fantasies about other guy ..

Now such urges to suck or feel someone's cock are getting more and more strong that I am fantasising about me sucking my best friends dick with pleasure.

Is is normal? Should I initiate things between us?

P.s. sorry for grammatical mistakes.

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Re: Unexplored me

Do you have these feelings for women? If not, you are gay. And there’s nothing wrong with that. If you do, then you’re bi and there is nothing wrong with that either. Do not initiate something without 100% certainty they would be interested, otherwise you’re going to ruin the friendship and they’re going to view you as a creep. Do not cross the line with your friends. Try to legitimately find another man. Whether that be by going out or using a dating site.