I was born normal kid with a happy life, normal goals, normal family. We had our own happy normal...and it only took 1 thing to fuck all of that over.
So now I sit alone with baggage. Stuck with this feeling I can only describe as- vomit seeping through my pores. I wake up and just look at the sun in anger cause it had the audacity to be bright, I hate it when people talk to me. When they tell me to look at things. When people send you links to videos telling you that you have to watch them. I have the time on my hands to do so, but I’m to depressed to act on it. My routine consists of forcing myself outta bed and then going to the same spot I sit at. My body creaking loudly as I get to think about everything I’m unhappy about.
The horrible feeling I get when I look in the mirror.
The awful feeling I get when I enter my dingy room.
The painstaking feeling I get when I remember I have to actually try and live.
I didn’t do shit to be handed this life. Because I was so happy, I had no reason to be punished. But no one thought about helping it. The councilors didn’t. The tests the thousands of tests...asking “do you have any thoughts of harming yourself or others?” ✔︎ “Had you ever attempted/thought about suicide” ✔︎ “Have you been gaining or loosing weight” ✔︎ Oh would you look at that! Test results are back, your depressed. Let’s get you meds that have to be hidden from you. The meds that are forgotten to be given to you night to night.
And people have never helped, there are good people. But my stupid ass always seemed to miss those ones. Instead I’d meet more and more of those people who she would bring home. Those awful people who fucked her over only to fuck you over too. No person understands the precise situation you’re in. You could think you do- but you don’t. People hurt differently from other people....so stop comparing. Stop trying to tell me how I could be happy. Stop saying “same” stop saying “go talk to someone then” “then just go do this-“ you don’t fucking get it love....your not in these shoes. You don’t get taking a nap doesn’t help me get well rested, it just gives me Moroe time to think about what a worthless piece of meat I am.
If your on this website, your probably hurting. A lot. And if you’ve made it this far then thank you, it means more than I can say. I’m sorry. You may of heard that a lot, but I mean it. If they hurt you or you feel like you hurt yourself, I’m sorry. If it was that one day you think about and wish could’ve gone away, I’m sorry. You probably feel like shit. If I could look you in the eyes and give you happiness I would, cause no living thing deserves the amount of shit they get, the pain they receive. Stay safe