im really fucking done with these finals.. my parents are on my me about how slow i am YEAH IM AWARE THAT OTHERS TAKE 1 HOUR I KNOW IM SLOW Im soRRY i got distracted i kn ow that isnt an excuse for being a faulire im sorry im such a failure and an "ungrateful brat" and a "spolied brat".
Theres other things as well... i just want to DIE. I know im really ungrateful i know im fucking spolied i know others have it worse i know iknowiknowiknow. they tell me how spolied i am because i dont have it bad others do im a fucking brat im a spolied child who cant do anything by themself. I know i suck i know. I just want to die im sorry im selfish but cant i be selfish?? I just want the pain to end. I want to curl up and go somewhere. Im a wimp i cant even propely cut myself im such a brat whos whining at every little problem. god why do i get scared of pain. I feel so numb i feel like im touching everything through a glove nothing feels real. it hurts i just want to cry.
and now im even more of a coward just letting it out on text im supposed to be doing a test but im sorry i cant icant. why does everything have to hurt so badly all the time.
i really hate reminders from my parents. "Look at how good you have it!" "When you're poor you dont have food" "youre lucky we raised you" LUCKLUCKYLUCKYLUCKYLUCKY im just lucky arent I??? I have such a great family but i dont belive that.. no not really. on paper sure but i dont know but it doesnt matter right?? im an ungrateful spolied child who cant study or do anything im lazy ill never make it to a good college my parents said so.
i feel so numb and i feel constantly on auto pilot i just feel so numb like im touching everything through a glove. is this even real? i dont know. i know i hurt though. im sorry