Starting of 2020, I received my final examination results. I failed both of my papers. Because of that, I lost my sponsorship and have to pay back everything. I lost the job that I have secured if only I passed those 2 last papers. It was pitch black and my life has turned upside down. It was heartwrenching to see my juniors, my friends have succeeded and now working, while I remain jobless and hopeless. I did job hunting, but it was all remained ghosted, rejected and unanswered, because I have no experience, or inside people. As I was improving my driving skills because I start taking driving license, I did managed to get it. But then, covid 19 came. The time I have the ability to drive so I could have transport to work one day, so many people lost their jobs. And apparently I have to compete with people who have prior experiences and skills than I do. MCO period was hard. I fall sick and half dying. Paranoid with covid too. I feel that I am worthless. Wished that I died but yet Im still alive. I went on with online courses, just to be discouraged with "so many people take online courses, people still wont hire you because you never worked before.". But I managed to finish the courses anyways. MCO period has gone, however there are still no responses and just rejections. I worked on LinkedIn too but I was spammed with these skill coaches who wants money instead of really helping someone who dont even have the money. There was once I considering to sell my body because of financial crisis but I remembered, that I still have Allah inside my heart. I have protected myself from any men touching me since I was born, why do I need to do this for sake of money and temporary life. So I didn't and now trying my best to learn more new skills so someday....maybe someday I could not be a burden to my family, my parents. They are getting old too. I may just be 23, but I want to be independent and strong. Please pray for me so I wont be getting to depressed. I have deleted my socmeds because I couldnt bear myself to have a little bit of envy, looking at my peers, having everything that I ever wished for. I just want to live a simple life, work and stay very far away from the city. Im starting to be grateful because there are others who lived harder than me. So now Im watching a lot of motivation videos and speeches so I should be happy and content with whatever I have, instrad of just focusing with the things I dont. Alright. Feels good to vent off from my chest. Thanks for reading. :)