My mood switched as I sat alone in my "room". The clock on my phone reading 02:57. The lights off and my mind open.
The urges secretly sneak into my mind; Leaving a dirty pile of tauntings and ridicules behind as it finds it's way into my brain.
It takes over control. It takes control over my body and my mind. My emotions intensify and then I'm left feeling numb.
I feel nothing at all as my emotions are drained from my body. I'm left numb to the pain but all these intrusive thoughts stay.
I need to get my emotions back, because I know if I'm left feeling numb, the monsters have all control.
Control over the hand that picks up that blade.
The blade that makes cut, after cut, after cut, until my body is left a shaking mess.
I feel physically sick and that's when my bulimia starts again for the first time in two months.
I walk back to my room. My thoughts and arms bloody and my stomach empty.
I fall onto my bed knowing that these monsters won't be allowing me sleep tonight.
Will I ever have control over these monsters?
Or will they have control for the rest of my life?