That's the name of the cold hearted, self absorbed, Cruel and Calculating Liar that ruined my life and did it without reservation. She is a Pittsburg Ca, Boulder Creek, and Currently San Jose resident. She will happily screw your husband while lying to her husband and son.. I will be getting into more as time permits. Now I realize that this sounds extremely mean, but I assure you that I am not trying to come across as anything but truthful and deeply hurt. What was done to me was wrong. I did nothing to deserve it. Yet she kept hurting me more and more. I have literally lost my will to live. I have considered ending my life. It was a life wasted on LIES and it happened twice. "Yet I am still in Love with her". Or who I thought she was, and can't stop that.How do I actually begin this blog. You see the fact is that I have, and Never would have hurt Valerie in any way. This stems from a very complex, and as I found out, very well acted abuse of my Love and my heart.I actually thought that her Cowardly husband was intercepting my emails and texts. But apparently it was not the case.You see in 1983, I was absolutely floored when I saw her for the first time. Valerie took my breath away. We dated for a bit. And on her front porch, on Lois Way in Pittsburg Ca, I proposed to her. My first ever. I knew in my heart that she was the one for me. I had absolutely no reservations about my decision. I still remember what she was wearing, as I held her hands and told her that I was in Love with her and wanted to be there for her forever. She cried and said yes. Soon after, she moved to Santa Cruz with her family, and I would drive the hour and 45 minutes each way to see her. Well we were very young, and she decided to move on with a local Boulder Creek guy. She married him. I was absolutely crushed. Devastated beyond description. I knew in my heart it was a mistake, but I decided to take what solice I could in knowing that she was happy. Even though I knew that I could not and would never be able to Love anyone else. My heart was given to, and broken by her.During the years she and her 1st husband were dating, I had a horrible accident doing a menial job as a tire laborer. It was the job I had taken that afforded me the ability to buy gas to drive to see her, and try to spoil her as best I could. I had other ambitions for My/Our lives, but my motivation had faded along with my happiness, Hope's and dreams when she chose another guy. So it kept me busy. Well at work on October 19th, 1985, I was airing up a tire, and the tire failed. It exploded and did a tremendous amount of damage to what was an extremely fit and athletic body. I had 11 surgeries that year, and several since. During the blast I died for a time. I won't get into those details, other than to say I was given the choice of being there, or coming back to this world. And in that moment, I felt that Valerie needed me.. so although I was somehow aware that I would live in pain, I did not hesitate to choose being there for her.My life continued on, and I accepted the fact that I was going to live in pain, both physical and emotional because the only person who ever made me feel happy and complete simply moved on as though I was simply a muse for a while in her life. Now keep in mind, I would not have been working that job that caused my physical body to be broken. I was enrolled in AJ courses and had my choice of Law Enforcement Agencies upon completion. But nothing seemed to matter anymore. My reason was gone. Fast forward to December 13, 2016. I was browsing Facebook like had a million times before, and as always, the first name I looked for was Valerie Zamora.. and my heart dropped and my tears just started raining down from my eyes. My GOD I thought, She's still absolutely BEAUTIFUL. And as I was, Married to a guy saying he was a special forces guy.. I sent a simple message to her. "WOW, YOU'RE STILL ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL, AND IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU HAPPY. PLEASE TELL YOUR HUSBAND THAT I SAID THANK YOU FOR HIS SERVICE". We sent messages back and forth for over an hour that evening. And apparently she was simply gathering information about me, my life, and my feelings for her to use as a tool to build her up, and completely devastate me again. I never thought that anyone could lie so easily. Especially about things that are so precious and personal. But I was very wrong. I will be getting into her manipulative was and the things she did and said when I write again. You all have no idea how much it hurts me to write any of this. Every lie was unnecessary.. I simply loved her. I was content knowing she was happy. Today was especially hard for me. I took my little Brother's remains to Steamer Lane in Santa Cruz, Ca. It's where he always said he wanted to be released. This was hard in many ways. Especially since I had not spoken to him in over a year because of what Valerie told me about him. As I look back, it has become clear that I was LIED to again. Her reputation, as false as it is ,is all that matters to her. I can't believe I was willing to give up everything I had to simply Love her and support her in her endeavors. Her happiness is all that mattered to me. And it's also all that matters to her. The pain and sadness of driving through San Jose, and Felton, as well as passing Highway 9 at the Boulder Creek Exit, the ice plant flowers and what she called Our Cypress tree.. Nobody could possibly know the torment and emotional emptiness I endured today. This life is not worth it. But letting her get away with it.. I can't do. Although I would never ever physically hurt her. I will make sure she knows the pain she willfully put upon me. Let me be very clear. I would in absolutely no way ever harm Valerie. I can't emphasize enough that I have and always will Love and Protect her. I am speaking solely of wanting to be sure she actually understands the Pain and Complete Devastation that she has caused me..Just the way she made me feel.. and it doesn't stop."I'm not okay. I haven't been for a while now. I lost everything that ever mattered. I've been doing everything i can to avoid thinking about what and who I've lost. I cant escape the pain any more. It seeps into my mind at the worst possible times. My anxiety goes through the roof while my depression buries me below the floor boards of the empty room i sit in alone. Flashbacks and memories haunt my waking mind while nightmares haunt what use to be rest, now suffering is all that remains."So today is March 15th, and even though it has been over 2 years since Valerie revealed the fact that all the Promises, Plans, Tears, and Cruelty were revealed. It's almost embarrassing that I am still so fucking in love with a character, a nonexistent person. I still cry everyday. I pray for death to come take me from this unstoppable, relentless pain. I was completely fooled. But I had no control over that. When I gave her my heart, it was completely. No strings or stipulations attached in any way. I accepted everything about her, every flaw and imperfection was Perfect in my eyes. I fought with everything I had and endured more pain than words could ever convey. I was actually, without trying in any way, exactly what she always expressed as "All she ever wanted or dreamed of". I couldn't have Loved or Fought any harder than I have. But it was never anything real to her. I made her feel good about herself and lifted and supported her through her struggles and celebrated her every victory. I told her every secret, every Fear, and every Dream I ever had. And with the most believable crocodile tears, She swore to never hurt me again, to never let anyone come between us again. That she had lived a life of regret and emptiness. She with tears and looking directly into my eyes, told me that my last name was the only one she ever wanted. She did this for 2 years. And we had never had so much as a minor argument.. There was nothing that happened between us. She said Goodnight Baby, I Love You, as always.. and the next day just broke every single promise she ever made to me... for the second time. I had a serious discussion with her at the beginning of this relationship and told her that there was absolutely no way I could handle the pain and heartache of losing her again. She so easily said that there was no way she would ever make that mistake again. That she would be my mistress if she had to. She needed me.. all with tears and a straight face.. And just systematically took every single hope, dream, and fear and crushed my soul.. I don't think anyone can understand what I mean. My words fall so damned short.. I'm just existing waiting to die.. I have come so close to just doing it myself.. but maybe I'll talk about that more later.Songs that speak for me38 Special "If I'd been the one" Asia "Only Time will Tell"I'm so damned sad and tired.. I hate this fucked up life.. the lies were unnecessary..and there's still more..03/16/21... Another Heartache Filled day of pain and relentless depression. Nob matter how hard I try, I can't believe that she would do this to me. I never once failed her or treated her badly. Yet she literally itemized every hope, dream and fear of mine and completely enforced and built me up on every single item. Then she step by step dismantled them all in a cruel debilitating process that literally killed my soul. The man I was is gone.. I honestly lived my life loving a LIAR who never had any intention of being anything but a fuckbuddy and emotional support for her. Does anyone know how someone could so viciously and intentionally hurt the person she knew she could count on and trust? I am unable to get any closure. A simple conversation about this with her is all I asked for. Yet it won't happen. Yes I'm Hurt, and a little angry, but that's just the pain. I wouldn't and never have yelled at her. I simply needed her to hear me out. Ultimately, and I don't know why, other than I truly Love her, I only want her to be happy in the end. My dreams are over.. But as a person, I need this.. it's Killing me to not be allowed to tell her.03/17/21.. Another St.Patrick's day that's missing the shenanigans she would playfully do and say with me💔So after she Broke every single promise she ever made to me, I was crushed. I texted her constantly simply because I had no idea what happened.. I had sacrificed my home and family for us.. because she said she wanted that. She reassured me continuously throughout the 2 year year Lieffair..so I had was completely ready to be what WE discussed and planned.. All the way down to the Purple/Lavender dress.. and then with no explanation she cut me completley out of her life.. In the rubble of what was my heart and my life. After a few weeks she responded and said she was sorry, that my wife had been intercepting our messages and she wouldn't know it the messages were from her or myself..And that she Loves me and we had to cool it for a while because she was afraid. First afraid of my wife, then it was afraid for me being homeless. This is after 2 years and Plans were made. She told me in December of 2016 that she and her husband Lino were divorcing, that they slept in different rooms, and that he would be moving out soon. As time went on, I would periodically ask, what was going on with the divorce, and she said it was taking time because he was struggling with it, and also he had no other place to go. Which I definitely knew was not true. His family lives a half hour away, and they were living with Valerie's Father. Regardless, she stated that in June of 2017, that he, being a teacher on summer break was planning on moving out when school restarted in September. Well needless to say, that never happened. So I started inquiring about the situation. She then said he was having a hard time accepting the divorce, which I was told had been in process for a while. (I later found out that he was never informed about a divorce, they were fine) I had no idea. Why would i question the one person I loved unconditionally since I was 17? Valerie was very convincing in every LIE she told. She has the ability to cry on demand, and can look into your soul and lie without hesitation or feeling anything but accomplished. I was able, after stepping back over time and in a severe depression, as I am constantly now. To look at everything from a perspective that allowed me to see the dishonesty... Again I can't even begin to tell you how fucking heartbroken and truly devastated I am. To be honest, I would still not turn her away. My only purpose and reason for living was to Love her and make her happy.. It cost me my hopes, dreams and happiness. Yes.. there's still more God why was this done? Why did she totally destroy me twice, and act as though I didn't exist, and that I did anything wrong? 💔💔💔😭😭😭.The way she did it was the part that I have trouble with. I as a human being have the right to talk to someone who treats them so cruel.. I have stressed over and over that I would Never physically harm her in any way. No matter what she did.. that is not in my character. I expressed the fact that I wouldn't be mean, rude, or raise my voice.. I simply wanted to Express myself.. and say goodbye. I have (or possibly had now), as everyday there seems to be more hurt and loss that trickles Down onto me, an AMAZING ANGEL/WIFE whom I actually adore. But even 2 years out.. she my Angel, has shown distinctly that she is unable to forgive me. Which I am not mad at, I am the one responsible for my actions.. and I know that I have done all I can to show her.. But failure and disappointment are all I seem to be good at. I really don't want this life anymore.. I've lost everything of value to myself.. I don't like or forgive myself.. I'm at a crossroads now that actually only see as having one direction to go... and I don't really want to,, but the more I think about it, I don't see any hope or reason... this journey is too much. I tried..I failed.. I'm tired I have not gotten into descriptive detail, because there's so many intricate parts of this and so many personal issues and personal things that were done that I see no need for everybody to know every single aspect. However I do need them to understand if it was a very very cruel move. I don't know if anybody would ever been through this I don't know of anybody who has ever cared for anybody in any way shape or form that would set out to destroy them in such a manner. All the way up until June 2019 when we did talk Valerie would say that she thought that my calls and texts work from my wife. That she was afraid to answer and didn't want to get me in trouble or put out. Then she would end every single phone call with I love you and I'm sorry and I will make an effort to answer more tell me that everything would be fine and would be together in the future. Then in the first week of July I get served court papers for a restraining order. Now I've never been asked one single time by Valerie to stop contacting her. She told me every single time that she would get back to me she was just afraid it was somebody else and she loved me and I spoke with her in the third week of June and she reiterated that she love me and she was sorry and they will just chaotic and still swore by the divorce and she said they were getting. I found out that her husband never knew anything about a divorce. She had played me from day one she had led me on took my hopes my dreams crushed him for a second time. She did this as if it were a game. When I went to court I had no doubt that I would be Vindicated. Well not only was I not indicated, I was slapped with a 3-year restraining order or staying I would use the truth to expose Valerie. I always made sure that she or whoever read me the emails knew there was no threat of physical violence in any way shape or form. And Valerie had known me for decades he knows me better than that I never had laid my hands on a woman and I never will. But she did it facetiously, lied to the judge and she had my guns, and my right to own guns taken away. She knew that my biggest joy in life was hunting. She intentionally took my only joy away from me. It's where I found peace and solace. It's where I found myself was able to be myself and where I spent my time with God. Her deliberate destruction of my life hey show me did everything she's ever portrayed it's been a lie. She lies as easily as she breathes. It saddens me to think that somebody could be so cold, or that could care for somebody like that. There was absolutely no reason for her to ever lie to me. I would never have treated her poorly. And I never asked her for anything. Except for promises that I accepted. It's sad to see a person would do that to anybody but there isn't much I can do about it at this point all I can do is realize that some people truly are only about themselves. The fact that she lied to her family and her husband the same way she did to me shows that she's calculating and truly doesn't care. Whatever happened to she has an alternate plan. I don't know how she looks at herself in the mirror knowing that she came after one person who would have never done anything to hurt her harm her in any way. But the lies you told did permanent damage to my life my home it's my belief. As for her husband Lino, I have no respect for that coward. I came to him as a man and informed him about what Valerie had told me. That they were getting divorced, another room, if you was afraid of him, that she was afraid he was going to take their son to Mexico if you didn't believe a single word. He believed every lie she told him about this he believes whatever Valerie told him. Remember she's cutting she can cry at the blink of an eye and come across as an angel. But she's very very calculating. When I found out she had lied to me I thought it only fair that you should know because she told me of her plans to leave him instead of accepting the fact that I had no idea they were together still oh, you decided you threatening me. Which I take with a grain of salt. He refused to talk or listen to me in any way shape or form. When someone comes to you with that kind of information if you have any kind of spine at all you want to know. I was happy to meet with both of them in person so that no life could be spewed did he could see for himself. Needless to say it never happened he continues to hold on to whatever bullshit she tells him all I wanted out of this. Is a little bit of honesty oh, the truth to come out, am I right back. I did nothing wrong in the judge never heard me. Judge that couldn't hear me through my math but did not allow me to continue on I'm at my wit's end. I've never been in trouble with the law drama yeah because Valerie decided to lie for no other reason than to try and save face for herself. Of all the people in the world she was able to trust. I was the one at the top and somewhere inside she knows that. Even today she knows that. How she could look me in the eye make these promises tell the lies imitate feelings and then totally take everything away from me and lie about me it is impossible to understand. I do know for a fact that what comes around goes around. And you can't do that to people and expect to get away with it it's wrong. I didn't deserve it. Even though I think he's a f****** comma her husband doesn't deserve it either nor does her son. to think for a second that a piece of paper would be able to stop me or anybody who intended to do somebody harm is ridiculous. That paper doesn't mean s*** to me. I'm just not that person I've never wished any harm to her never threatened any harm to her and never would harm her in any way. But to make yourself look good and to keep her puppet on a string until she's finished with him. She was willing to sacrifice me in my life. The sad part is I know she is going to hurt someday very very badly. She's going to reap what she says. She's going to feel the pain that she's caused. Simply because karma does that. What you do to others comes back to you. And it's sad to know that she's going to have to go through something like this. Bucked up what you did to me it's not over by a long shot. The way the world's going on I'm an Outlaw anyway so take guns are hard to come by for anybody every criminals got one. It's the idea that she intentionally took those things away from me just to be mean just to make herself look good and just to impress that prick. I don't think I'll be writing any more there's not much more left to say. There's a million details and ask for avelino Montes, I certainly hope that that Vision that you have of me doing everything you think about stays in your head forever. And no matter what she tells you you failed. I saw happiness. And she told me about you. You go ahead and hold on you're going to be crushed by her she is as cold as ice has no feelings and will do whatever it takes to get what she wants that includes sacrificing you to you putz knuckle. I highly doubt you'll ever see this but you will see repercussions. They're earned I'm now a criminal in society because of Lies. Not sure who reads this and if you're familiar with California in the Bay Area. But I've already contacted Michael Finney he is an investigative reporter. About miscarriage of Justice by the judge in Santa. The lies told by Valerie. As well as the details of this entire Fiasco. And since I'm not allowed to tell her my feelings and goodbye. I will make sure that it is heard by the networks and if the truth is seen. That's important to me the people realize how cold is she just calculating just mean she is how much she lies how easily she lies. Trust me when I tell you what you read don't even begin to explain the reality of what has happened. I don't know how she live with herself. But you must be miserable. And I will see her again eventually. And as I've always stated, I will say my piece,I will not yell my peace I, will not get violent ,I will not touch her, I will speak my peace and she will hear it. I look forward to that day even if it's my last day.I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG.. I WAS USED, LIED TO AND MANIPULATED.. AND I WILL NOT AND CANNOT JUST ALLOW THIS. SI WAS MADE A CRIMINAL SIMPLY BECAUSE SHE CHOSE TO HURT ME AGAIN..The saddest part is that I can't hurt or hate her.. hurting her has never crossed my mind. I've tried to be as heartless as her. I simply can't. It's not something I can explain. I've been treated lower than dirt, and been hurt deeper than words can express.. My heart has been completely torn apart and then the remaining things that meant the most to me were calculatedly ripped away from me.