My parents don’t hesitate to remind me that I am an idiot and I am stupid. They told me and my sister they weren’t supposed to have us at age 6&7. My sister is a middle child and I am the youngest. I broke the stereotype of being favorited because I am the youngest because my father has always been really harsh on me for as long as I can remember; at 4/5 years old. My mother lets him verbally abuse me up to an extent where violence might occur is when she steps in. My oldest sister who was a planned child has rarely been yelled at. It just hurts because I’ve constantly asked why my father hated me but of course everything was denied but it was never tough love, that’s for sure. The last day of school (March 13th), she had told my siblings that I was going to hell for not honoring my parents. Followed by she was thinking about giving me away to state. I’m really hurting inside. I get that attitude can frustrate people but I swear on my life that it wasn’t an attitude, I just try to tell them how I feel and they take it as disrespect. I understand it is hard to be a parent but I want to know that they actually love me. Words are different from showing me. It’s so painful to have it on my mind 24/7. My sister is more frustrated with my parents but I feel a little more sad than mad at them. It doesn’t help that when I was in my worst, and i told my mother that it was hard to get through the day, all she said was that it was relatable and she has that same feeling. But, I can understand she had her childhood trauma too but her to just be there for me. As much as she expects me to sympathize with her past, I couldn’t do it anymore. My father barely talks to me and we all live in the same household. I am just so thankful to have friends who love me but I sometimes feel doubt because I am an overthinker so i really don’t know how I should feel. It’s so difficult to get through it. This is realllly long, thank you for taking your time to read this.