since this place is anonymous, i’ll just vent so unless you want entertainment you can scroll awayy. Point is, i have got clarity in regards to why specific bad things happen to me and have been made aware that those troubles that keep me up at night are out of my control, nevertheless, I can’t ignore that they are 2 most prominent things in my life right now. By nature, i am an overthinker, and being it has amazing benefits but terrible outcomes, i’m mostly fire or ice. Being lukewarm is what i am usually, but when one of those 2 things get worse, i freak out since I can’t avoid them and 9/10 times there is collateral damage. I can seem like i’m in control of my emotions most of the time and i try my best to hide them since a lot of the people i love don’t need my shitty mood, but i go from being really friendly to just quiet while thinking about my issues, unless they have issues in which I magically just forget about my ones. Being in this server has helped me to voice my opinions and i feel much better now, but still knowing that i have to bear these 2 forces every day (for aprox 5 more years) feels horrible!!!!!