i know i have always been alone kind of person. i never let anyone get too close to me not my parents nor anyone else.too many people broke my heart even tho i am only 18. That disappointment was so much i closed myself completely i stopped talking to a lot of people. like i have got a LOT friends but left only 2 of them rn.But even tho they are here , i dont tell them anything. the most serious things i keep for myself. i started doing something serious and it took me five months to open up about that.i feel like its all sometimes is one sided. i feel like i am aways here for them. i do everything to make them feel supported and know that they can talk to me any time.and of course i am not their first choice. they have other friends and i feel they choose others more than me.they are my two closest one but i have other friends but we are not that close i just sometimes text and ask them how r they or they just text and tell me how is their life and so on.I always listen, i stop whatever i am doing just to listen. I mean even do that for strangers. and i absolutely love that. what i dont love is that i never got that back.few days ago i wanted to talk i texted her she was doing homework we agreed she will text me when she is finished.i waited till 4am . she was on phone call with someone else and didnt even bother to text me that she cant tonight.as i am hard to open up they dont even try to make me feel comfortable enough to speak. i feel like everyone gave up on me. everyone made me feel i am a hard person, hard to love, hard to be friends with.i try to do less for them , be like they are but how can i ignore them when they need support?