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Want to kill myself

i never had a peace full life with my family after my parents divorce it got even worse. we live in a rent me mom n brother. It looks like we are happy but we are never happy. I have done so many things try my best but i failed. I have failed not only with my personal issue but with myself. I have no motivation to live i feel like caged trapped in my own self. I visited to doctor for my issue but i have no more budget...whenever i have fights ..they say horrible things to me...it really hurts me breaks me . I feel ashamed of myself why im so unlucky. 😔 my mom blames and curse me for what i have done ...she blames me because she failed her marriage but why me...am i the unwanted child ...u dont need to search enemy u can get ur own..( it shattered me because theres no1 to talk about how i feel inside..i get depress panic attack)when i get angry i feel killing side person...am i evil or just stupid ...i dont see a reason to live ...if i get marry i can be happy but the things that have happened to me will haunt me forever....Born in a hindu family is hard for a woman....or being a woman is curse dont know but i dont feel like living anymore....i want to kill myself and set me free with all the bullshit ....