When I still lived at home I was occasionally violent with my little brother, mostly just stuff like twisting his arms or letting go of a door he was pulling on when I was a young teen, but once I briefly wrapped my hands around his throat after losing my temper before realizing what I was doing and stopping. I was 18 for that one, so I can't even chalk it up to underage fuckery and leave it behind that easily
he's 20 now and we haven't spoken in about eight years. I know that how I treated him is something I can never really take back or make undone but I feel I have to at least do _some_ kind of restitutional effort because it's the right thing to do for him and in general, and also for closure, so I can feel like I deserve to move on and be more than this. not to the point of "rebuilding a relationship" or whatever, we were never really that close, but something, anyway
thing is, my father somewhat recently had a tumor cut out of him and he admitted to still lying awake worrying about cancer, so I'm also afraid of opening up old wounds and making things worse for dad?