I realised I was gay when I fell in love with your mother. I was 11 and thought I was strange. I didn't like the guys my friends liked. I would pretend to like the same hunky guys as my friends but only really liked the effeminate ones and only then when I imagined them as girls with male genitalia who wanted to know how to use it.
A girl at school confided in me about the sexual abuse she suffered at the hands of her mother and multiple men who were recruited to do the awful deed as this girls mother watched and guided.
I should have been disgusted and I should have helped her.
Instead I was excited and forced the poor girl to recall her abuse to me in great detail as I pictured it.
Back to the point. I started watching you for your mum when I was 12 and you were 8. I fell in love with your mother. She teased me, threatening to tell my parents, friends and you.
She started a sexual relationship with me, saying it was just for my benefit and to make sure I stayed away from you. She showed me degrading pornographic clips.
She told me how dirty I was and I, not only believed her, but also constantly apologised to your mother and swore I would do anything to not be outed.
We started having sex in your room, all the time her telling me how worthless and nasty I was compered to you, her perfect daughter.
She started an affair with a girl in my year, the same girl who had been abused (I confided in your mother about her) and started completely ignoring me save for saying hello as I arrived to babysit and paying me afterwards.
I hated the girl so much although looking back, she felt worse than me.
You looked like a younger version of your mum. When you were ten you told me in secret that, like your mother, you thought you might like girls more than boys. I used your confusion to seduce you.
I was 13, you were 9. I knew it wasn't right, you trusted me that it was. I wasn't loving, I acted out the degrading pornographic scenes your mum had shown me.
I stopped watching you when you were 12. You tried to stay friends but I have always been too ashamed to be close to you again.
I need you to know that I am not a pedophile but I am too cowardly to tell you that your mother definitely is.
G, I love you and I always will. I hope I haven't ruined your life,
All my love