They didn’t “abuse” me but they revealed themselves to me in a way that was traumatic. They kinda did abuse me actually. Look up the CIA Mk-ultra experiments, it was kinda like that. To this day I don't know why I caught their attention or why we had to cross paths. Some days, many days I'm grateful for the awakening they gave me, all the esoteric knowledge that is now available to me just by the discernment I gained from interacting with them, but other days it just feels like PTSD. They are not here to save us I know that much.