Sometimes I dream about starting over. Some people make it seem so easy to manifesting change your circumstance but everything seems so undeniably hard for me. It wasn’t till I met you that things took a toll on me. I think back to that Wednesday afternoon if I change my mind if I never met you or if I’d never let you in you broke out every wall that I spent so long building up you broke me you beat me down until there was nothing left until I was a shrivelled up shell of a woman that you whole heartedly hooked up with both hands and shoved in your pocket proceeding to manipulate my whole being and take everything I am. Complete and utter isolation from the world, That was your goal and you obtained it you drink my finances you took away any source of happiness any outlet of emotion in my life you gas let me abused me took my friends and my family lived me away from everyone I knew and loved. You took everything you took my soul and there was a Solis to shrivelled up a shell of a woman who clung to you because you were all I had and before my eyes I watched you transform into this knight in shining armour everything I’ve ever dreamed of lick all the evil had been washed away with rosewater some type of figment of my imagination as if it never happened as if I was crazy to ever consider you anything but a light and a guide in my life. There to pick up every piece offering me anything I could ever need financially physically. But still here I am overflowing with emotions with no outlet in there you are unable to communicate or show love in anyway other than physical is this my life? Is this how everything is going to happen. I’m just going to continue to disappoint every person I interact with in my life and at the end of the day I’ll run back to you because it’s easy. Here I said day by day alone depressed sitting at our home waiting for you to return will you go out into the world each day putting on a new mask and interacting with whomever you choose to leave in your impact on each of them living there influence wash over you leaving not even a smudge not even the slightest impact you amaze me in that way.
there I sit every night waiting for you to return whenever you so choose to do so not even a slight consideration for me how was my day did I eat today did I do anything did I talk to anyone how my feeling no. But we will make so-called love if that’s what you sow crave of course at the end of the day everything is your decision I am just the empty solar shell of a woman that you shoved in your pocket