Weird Kink

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So this is something that has been haunting me for a while- but I really need to get this off my chest. When I was 11 or 12, I was molested by a close friend in my grade.(After that, I stopped talking to him completely.) Now unfortunately, because that was my first ever real sexual experience- I developed a kink called "consensual non-consensual" which is basically... consensual rape in a sense. Of course I know that a lot of people do have this kink and have developed it the same way I have- a traumatic experience. I also know it isn't necessarily a bad thing when you have an understanding partner but... god do I feel ashamed. I am so scared of what my partners will say (if I even find a sexual partner) when I tell them.