I'm now 14, yea.. in this year, just 14.This might sound imaginary or nonsense. I've never told this story to my parents or anyone, except if they are related to this.. they know it by themselves.Just this year, to be exact-at my 14th birthday. I finally get out of my old "world" and also my old self.I was born designated to be in an illegal company where they sold a lot of weird medicine, I can't remember it vividly either.That sounds ludicrous already. I'm now laughing at myself, you can laugh on it too. I've been in a profound relationship with--I don't know what to call her, but she's a person who has a big impact in this world.I ventured in a world where criminal, weird, nonsensical things happen, I even partake on some of it. By saying "partake" doesn't mean that I got the main role, I am just an accomplice. All this thing that I've said was just basically from my memory, if I am to talk about what I don't remember.. it's more fucked up than what I've known till now. I might do worse deviancy. I don't remember big things in my life, I only remember something trivial.. just like a normal kids stuff, it's also because of that medicine. This all hard to explain, but someone told me that I have a thing called Pseudo Memory.I've also met a lot of distinct people whose not fit in the society, they looked normal, but behind the scene.. they are beyond the word abnormal.I've seen things that I bet people at my age don't, or even older.. I am not proud, hardly not proud.. But, I don't feel any remorse to it either.In fact that I learnt quite many things there.. I excel myself at doing particular stuff, I am surely a very fun person to talk with when it comes to experience (Yes, I am now self proclaiming myself but, actually a lot of people said the same thing when they talked to me.. so it's not fully a bullshit)I remember eating in a place near my residence, and shortly after, a massacre happened there.. because of that. I even saw all the report.Now that I've somehow freed myself from it (not completely).. I feel more and more lonely.I know what I gotta do, and I've made target to improve myself too.. since I have a big ambition to reach.But, I think i nedda talk to someone, I need someone, someone to work together with and exchange our story.I am all human, ordinary human on street. I cried randomly.. it can be when I'm about to sleep, when showering, doing my work, it can be anytime. I also daydreamed alot, nothing to peculiar.I've had friend, she knows some of this mingled stuff too. But then.. we're just not together again. I am not sad, more like that I am flustered.. don't know where to step anymore.I don't know.I really don't know.