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what am i

i don’t know what i am. i’ve tried being everything all my life for people who don’t care. i’ve tried helping others so that maybe one day they’ll help me back. but it never works. people use me. they walk all over me because that is what i’ve become, a mat, for people to walk on when they need something.

i have been sexually assaulted too many times to count, by guys who i don’t even know the names of. i feel worthless.

my mom thinks that i’m lazy and that the depression is all in my head, but i believe that it’s built up from all these years of slow rotting from the people around me.

i don’t know where my life will take me once i leave college, i don’t even know if i’ll make it to see. i’m scared for the future, so maybe all i need is an end.