idk if this was toxic but i had a friends w benefits and eventually i caught feelings. he knew and we stayed the same but then he would talk to girls so i cut him off then i would go back to him but he would make it seem like it was my fault that we never dated when i was always telling him about my feelings for him. then when things ended he was talking to my friend and i was so devastated because she also knew how i felt towards him. its been 8 months now that what we had is over but now i miss him all over again. i know we arent for each other because we both deserve better, he made me so happy. no one has ever made me feel that way and i miss it. even if i didnt get something w him i dont regret those 7 months w him even if i was always crying and confused bc i never really knew what he was feeling or thinking. i feel like i will always feel something for him and everything reminds me of him it hurts. i wish i could go back all over again to be with him
Re: what do i do
Admittedly, this is a rather complicated relationship..
You too were being handsy and lovey-dovey with each other at least at the sexual extent.
Despite having no established relationship except as friends.
What was a "friendship with benefits" turned and grew into a more meaningful experience.
You can take this with a grain of salt:
Maybe you weren't the only one of the girls that he's "friends with benefits" with.
What you had was almost romantic to be honest. You flirted and done things
a couple would do. You both gave each other things one would do.
By nature, you do and act like a couple but you only flirt as benefits of the friendship.
The mistake was though; is that you both settled to commit to a secret relationship
that was only "temporary."
OR RATHER: no relationship can truly just be friends with benefits..
Emphasis on the benefits.. It's heartbreaking for things to end like this..
At this rate maybe your ex-friend w/ benefits and close friend are together..
And you can only respect their relationship. Maybe you should try to open up with both of them.
It may seem invasive and selfish to their relationship, but talking to both can offer you closure.
Did he really love you? Or was is all misguided sexual energy?
It may all be over, but this..
This is for your closure..
All the best to ya, Girl/Dude!!