Well I feel like I let down a lot of people.A message for me.I lay in bed thinking when I should be sleeping. i dont know if its overthinking or just stupidity. I can feel my heart beat; my body cold when in reality its a summer night. I think about what i am doing with my life. Will i ever be an artist. Will i ever move out? Will i pass my classes. Are my parents even proud of me? Of course they are they’re my parents they have no choice but to love me unconditionally. But how come i feel like i cant talk to them how come everything i do is ridiculed why cant i make them proud being me? I like anime i listen to weird music i dont like trump im not a homophobe or a racist i dont smoke drink. Why am i treated so much like shit. Just because i like short hair and dont care who i love. Why did it not pain me when i broke up with my boyfriend why did i not get effected. Why am i wasting my time every day just to get nowhere. My sleep is fucked up because I sit and ponder. My parents hate me for it. I want to leave this house so badly i want to remember things why cant i remember things is this how it is like to be parented? Is this good is this normal? Why cant i get a job mom. Why cant i be happy with myself why do i look so ugly why cant i make other people happy why cant i talk to people normally why cant i be normal? why is it you want me to be normal. I want to be me. Is that so wrong to be my own person? I dont want to be her i dont want to be like her she isn’t me. Softball isn’t me you see how unhappy i am so why do you continue to do this to me. I stare off in space and think as you laugh at me because i am different. I use sarcasm as a defense but you call it a rotten child you dont listen to what i have to say why dint you listen to me. Is that why you never care about my dreams. why do you people talk over me im trying to talk I’ve been trying to talk i don’t understand is this normal what is normal.