I am just feeling very low. I just sit and watch tv or play with kids who are nearly half my age. I haven't done anything with my life. It's just that I liked maths a bit while I was a kid and my parents decided to get me to pursue an engineering career even I as a kid thought there were only two professions in life. I enjoyed being first in the class or just studying more so that I could be smart in class. Though it never worked I made it to a good batch in my tenth. Then that was the first time that I know i can fail. Not literally though I was last in the class for three consecutive exams I even lied to my parents about it may be that was the first time I ever lied and I began to study and build up my confidence and I am happy that it happened through some hardwork or I would say I am lucky I made it to IIT Madras Cse. But the first question in my mind was do I even like it or its just looks cool sitting in front of a screen and doing something or just going by the flow that I got a good rank. Honestly I don't deserve the seat it is because I made it through the reserved category. Ok now first thing I wondered is the bigger part of life is over. But I never knew that it just started Atleast to my mind I just attended to every class but never listened to a single professor. I had problems to code and every one just learned on the holidays and were in the flow and now I can mark it as second time I ever lost my confidence and now it took one year to recover but the real problem started then I just replaced my time feeling low with watching movies and now I really think I love movies but it may be because I am too lazy to work hard and face problems. I just hide from every thing and do things like this what I am doing right now to recover from it. Now I lie to my parents that my life was good that I am doing good at my exams or even getting a good job. I don't believe that I would even get a job offer 😞. Now even the situation become difficult because of laziness to even get out of my comfort zone in home. I even left assignments to do that I am scared to hell that I would fail.