Ever since moving to the UK I started to get this attention. Attention I have never received before; it was strange but oddly comforting. The more I got, the greedier I saw myself becoming. Looking through old messages and re-thinking old memories of the past three years has made me realise how much has changed in my life. I have became more of a confident person but also having the feeling of a hole growing in my heart - in my soul. Having these issues that have never seemed to have crossed my mind three year ago, not wanting to think of where this is taking me but also thinking.. what if? What if I wasn’t being such an attention seeking whore for the past three years I wouldn’t of grown these feelings of pure hatred towards myself.. What if I never started to sleep around as much as I had then I wouldn’t have commitment issues.. What if all this never happened and I would actually know and feel what love is. Because frankly I’m started to believe it doesn’t exist. Not towards myself - not towards anyone.