I need help.. my whole life I totally falling apart. I’ve lost my job, my husband, now I’m about to loose my freedom and even worse my son... I was diagnosed with a panic disorder back in 2013-2012 but I’ve had it under control for many years. Well 3 years ago I gave birth to my sweet, beautiful, perfect baby boy. He means the absolute world to me & I can’t imagine actually being away from him for any extended period of time.... but that’s what is going to end up happening if I don’t find help. After having my baby I’m pretty sure I developed postpartum depression but I thought I had worked my way through it... but starting about two years ago, when I would start to feel like a panic attack was coming on or if I was just stressed in general I started absent minded you pulling out my eyelashes and my eyebrows and that was horrific I hate it and myself so much because I’m literally destroying my own beauty and I can’t stop... but then it got worse. Once I ran out of eyebrows or eyelashes to pull I would feel this tightness in my chest constantly like I was having a never ending panic attack, then one day I was grocery shopping, I saw this awesome $150 knife set that I knew my husband would LOVE to have but I didn’t want to spend that money unnecessarily so without even really thinking about it I just put the box in my basket & when I went to the self checkout (the whole time my heart was thumping so loudly I couldn’t even hear properly) I just didn’t scan the box the knife set was in and a couple of other small food items just to see if I could get away with it and I did. No one said anything to me... that car ride home was the best I had felt since before I got pregnant. It was amazing. I could FINALLY breathe and I didn’t catch myself absent mindedly tugging at what few hairs were left on my eyebrows or eyelashes....BUT then once I got home and was unloading my car feeling like I was on cloud 9, and police car drove by my house & for a split second my heart stopped & I just knew he was coming to arrest me for the THEFT I had just committed. I had never been in trouble before in my life! Most of my adult life I wanted to be & went to school to be a Texas Game Warden, I had actually been accepted to the first round of interviews to be admitted to the game warden academy just two weeks before I found out I was pregnant.. and as soon as I realized I had just committed a crime I felt an immense amount of shame and guilt and then for days afterwards I was too scared to even leave the house for fear that someone had seen what I’d done and called the cops. But nothing happened and then the panic and the tightness came back until yet again I was out of eyelashes or eyebrow hairs to pull and I just couldn’t stand it anymore... now I’ve been caught more than once and been to jail twice but I can’t stop no matter how hard I try I can’t stop.