I will try AGAIN but I'm making sure that THIS TIME WE WILL BE SUCCESSFUL. THIS LIFE DOES NOT DESERVE US! I'm scared that my life will be even worse than it already is. But, why can a loving God put me through such pain and suffering? I really want to look at it from both points of view? I would NEVER wish my life on anyone. I'm ready to go. I just want to know why such a " wonderful God" do this to ME! CANT YOU FUCKING SEE THAT I CANT TAKE THIS NO MORE. I DON'T WANT TO DIE. BUT, I SEE NK OTHER CHOICE. THIS IS REAL. I HURT. IM HURTIMG. SO, WHAT I WAS MOLESTED. I FEEL LIKE IM 12 AND IM 42. I CAN'T EXPLAIN THAT EITHER. I FEEL LIKE IM SMART BUT DUMB. IM AUSTISTIC WAS WRONG. I CANT TAKE IT NO MORE. I WILL END THIS PAIN SOON. IM not even sure who I'm talking to, but I know that I hate HURT ING as much as I do. it FUCKING drives me insane. It's too much. I can't no longer bear my pain and fake and smile when nothing is ok. I'm Soo tired of hurting soo much inside. I'm not normal? I feel I'm still very little. I don't know how young. Why do I feel like this? I don't understand. I'm scared and I will kill myself. I'm just scared cuz I love God. But, I see no other way. I see know other way.i wish I did.im begging for God to show me another way. He hasn't. I fUCKING HATE HIM FOR THIS LIFE. IT S NOT FAIR YOU. KNLW WHY I DID IT.