I’m in love with my best friend. And I don’t mean like cute crush love. I mean I would do anything for her, anything to make her smile, laugh, happy. Anything. These feelings I have are so overwhelming and so painful but so blissful at the same time. ive never experienced love, or did I believe it in it. Until I met her October 2019. Yes I’m in still in school, still very young and almost 18. She’s a couple months younger than me but only a couple. We had this immediate connection, a friendship I’ve never had before. I trust her with everything, I tell her things I haven’t even told my friend who I’ve known my whole life. She makes me feel things I never dreamt of. She made me believe in love. All the cringey things like butterflies and heart racing, sweaty hands and nervous stuttering. It’s all true, well for me it is. And because she is my first love it hurts even more. because she doesn’t feel the same? Or maybe she does and I’m just oblivious. Little things give me hope. The stolen glances in class, the lightest touch, the times where we make eye contact for a little longer than normal, the atmosphere when we speak, the look in her eyes and how her pupils dilate ever so slightly, the way she asks me what I’ve eaten today because she knows I struggle with it, the way I notice she uses the same colour highlighters I use in class, or the small snowmen and penguins she draws after I told her she reminds me of them. Little things. Baby steps? I often catch her looking at me in class, sometimes she’ll look away when I glance over. But others I don’t glance over, and I feel her eyes burning into the side of my head and finally when I turn she smiles, satisfied. I believe she’s aware of the hold she has on me, I mean I do make it quite obvious. But she’ll never take advantage of it. She knows I’m intimidated by her but she makes light jokes of it we also joke about eachother being in a relationship, about how I’m her “girl” but that makes me sad because it’s just a joke. we have days where I become distant because the sadness that she’ll never be mine outweighs my constant need to speak to her. And it’s almost as if she can sense it because she’ll text me until I reply. In zoom class the other day for a split second she was not on my mind and it felt good that for once she was not clogging up my thoughts and I could finally focus on the maths equation rather than how cute she looked when she was confused, and how she squints her eyes and bites the tip of her pen when she is. But then ‘Ding!’ A text on my phone from her, telling me I looked pretty. And then once again that’s all I could think about. Her, all I ever think about. I am completely and utterly infatuated with this girl and I don’t even know if she feels the same. I haven’t told her and I doubt I will.

I’m in love with my best friend. And I don’t mean like cute crush love. I mean I would do anything for her, anything to make her smile, laugh, happy. Anything. These feelings I have are so overwhelming and so painful but so blissful at the same time.ive never experienced love, or did I believe it in it. Until I met her October 2019. Yes I’m in still in school, still very young and almost 18. She’s a couple months younger than me but only a couple. We had this immediate connection, a friendship I’ve never had before. I trust her with everything, I tell her things I haven’t even told my friend who I’ve known my whole life. She makes me feel things I never dreamt of. She made me believe in love. All the cringey things like butterflies and heart racing, sweaty hands and nervous stuttering. It’s all true, well for me it is. And because she is my first love it hurts even more.because she doesn’t feel the same? Or maybe she does and I’m just oblivious. Little things give me hope. The stolen glances in class, the lightest touch, the times where we make eye contact for a little longer than normal, the atmosphere when we speak, the look in her eyes and how her pupils dilate ever so slightly, the way she asks me what I’ve eaten today because she knows I struggle with it, the way I notice she uses the same colour highlighters I use in class, or the small snowmen and penguins she draws after I told her she reminds me of them. Little things. Baby steps? I often catch her looking at me in class, sometimes she’ll look away when I glance over. But others I don’t glance over, and I feel her eyes burning into the side of my head and finally when I turn she smiles, satisfied. I believe she’s aware of the hold she has on me, I mean I do make it quite obvious. But she’ll never take advantage of it. She knows I’m intimidated by her but she makes light jokes of it we also joke about eachother being in a relationship, about how I’m her “girl” but that makes me sad because it’s just a joke. we have days where I become distant because the sadness that she’ll never be mine outweighs my constant need to speak to her. And it’s almost as if she can sense it because she’ll text me until I reply. In zoom class the other day for a split second she was not on my mind and it felt good that for once she was not clogging up my thoughts and I could finally focus on the maths equation rather than how cute she looked when she was confused, and how she squints her eyes and bites the tip of her pen when she is. But then ‘Ding!’ A text on my phone from her, telling me I looked pretty. And then once again that’s all I could think about. Her, all I ever think about.I am completely and utterly infatuated with this girl and I don’t even know if she feels the same. I haven’t told her and I doubt I will. 

What you should do is tell her, but be careful, consider the end results good and bad.Bad, not friends mega pain seeing her not even being close anymore.Good she is into you.What would I do, start talking to her, like actual serious, what movies are her faves, tell you an embarassing story, tell you a secret-or remind or of some of these if you know any but in a "hey remember when you told me that time you fell down the stairs? Yeah did that myself today totally missed 3 steps lol- or similar so it isnt blurting out a secret or embarrassing thing it is reminiscing and sharing. Ask about what her perfect date would be, if she says why then be like, "Oh cos im awesome and was thinking we should do something after all this lockdown, and wanted to give you and me a day to have fun" if she is like yeha but a date? Then be like, well 1. You like me and 2, im awesome so if i meant date date then you know youd want to, so, hows about we........Now if she really isnt into you she will be like er yeah but not as a date. Then you can be like yeah obv i was joking about that, if you were into me that way i'd be waiting for you to ask then id consider saying yes if i felt generous. Ie you can laugh it off Or, be straight up, hey, I realised i like you so i figured, i would ask you out on a date, now before you answer, if you arent interested, then im going straight home to pornhub now, but if you are, im just being an idiot so you dont feel this gotta be awkward if you're crazy enough to say no lol What i can say is, if she is into you, then dont risk losing it, if not, then you gotta be like steel after and say no sweat friends is cool.99% of girls even if they feel weird after, can come round it will be hard and is one reason you are reluctant to ask-If you dont ask she cant say no can she.Fine i get it, but if you dont ask she damn sure aint ever saying yes. Think it over how, but ask her. Because the worse case scenario, she isnt going to be with you and you concentrate on other stuff and can move on, it takes time but you can and will guaranteed, may take a year or more but you will. But prepare for the worst plan for the bestAnd...if as i think she may, she says yes, then dont lunge in heavy handed for sex and for intimacy emotionally, talk to her, what she likes, what she wants that she can set the pace so you dont overwhelm her if she is in a yea i like, and you are in yeah i LOVE frame of mind, you need to match your expectation and desires with where she is emotionally

What you should do is tell her, but be careful, consider the end results good and bad.Bad, not friends mega pain seeing her not even being close anymore.Good she is into you.What would I do, start talking to her, like actual serious, what movies are her faves, tell you an embarassing story, tell you a secret-or remind or of some of these if you know any but in a  "hey remember when you told me that time you fell down the stairs? Yeah did that myself today totally missed 3 steps lol- or similar so it isnt blurting out a secret or embarrassing thing it is reminiscing and sharing.Ask about what her perfect date would be, if she says why then be like, "Oh cos im awesome and was thinking we should do something after all this lockdown, and wanted to give you and me a day to have fun" if she is like yeha but a date? Then be like, well 1. You like me and 2, im awesome so if i meant date date then you know youd want to, so, hows about we........Now if she really isnt into you she will be like er yeah but not as a date. Then you can be like yeah obv i was joking about that, if you were into me that way i'd be waiting for you to ask then id consider saying yes if i felt generous. Ie you can laugh it offOr, be straight up, hey, I realised i like you so i figured, i would ask you out on a date, now before you answer, if you arent interested, then im going straight home to pornhub now, but if you are, im just being an idiot so you dont feel this gotta be awkward if you're crazy enough to say no lolWhat i can say is, if she is into you, then dont risk losing it, if not, then you gotta be like steel after and say no sweat friends is cool.99% of girls even if they feel weird after, can come round it will be hard and is one reason you are reluctant to ask-If you dont ask she cant say no can she.Fine i get it, but if you dont ask she damn sure aint ever saying yes.Think it over how, but ask her. Because the worse case scenario, she isnt going to be with you and you concentrate on other stuff and can move on, it takes time but you can and will guaranteed, may take a year or more but you will. But prepare for the worst plan for the bestAnd...if as i think she may, she says yes, then dont lunge in heavy handed for sex and for intimacy emotionally, talk to her, what she likes, what she wants that she can set the pace so you dont overwhelm her if she is in a yea i like, and you are in yeah i LOVE frame of mind, you need to match your expectation and desires with where she is emotionally