i always, well not always, sometimes wished to fit with those people. even i think that i’m where i wanted to be in that circle. but now what i feel is distressed and agitated, not because of everyone but her(i will call her D here, name doesn’t start with a D) i feel hatred and disgust towards her. we are preparing for my friend’s bday. and we have all sorts of groups and stuff made up. and every time i am seeing her name pop on my phone i feel like i will lose it. i wish to drain every ounce of blood from her body. she tried to pull me down, she showed people what she wanted to. i was around them and didn’t realise that they were conversing about me. i never spoke things from my side, even though they were at mine.now i wonder what god thinks about this. is he angry. does he think it was my fault. i hope he doesn’t. i feel derailed for myself, for my family, for people who love me. idk how long i can carry on with this. it never mattered anytime before. but now idk why it does so much. why it hurts so much.