I've been having alot of panic attacks and suicidal thoughts which lead to me hurting myself. I used to write down what I was feeling in a journal but then my mother found it and read through everything. (She's abusive, mentally and physically sometimes) So I actually talked to her and my dad and I was finally brace enough to ask for help but she refuses to get me help and also moved me out of my room. I don't know what else I can do. I don't want to live either but I promised my brother I would protect him. He's only 5.