Sometimes, I wonder what would have happened if I still had my partner. What if, you know? It didn’t work out, we kinda just; stopped. I couldn’t handle it. I think I’m aromantic, and unfortunately they became the guinea pig for me to figure that out. My first relationship. Gone.I’m also an ace, and they were cool with that, even though they had a sex drive. We lived 5 hours apart, and it was tough for me to drive the 10 hours round trip, but it was a good time, Not a long time.I miss having someone to talk to, someone to call and just, hang out with. At the same time I’m just at a low, and there must be a reason we stopped talking. They moved too fast, and I couldn’t give them what they needed; emotionally nor physically. Never physically. I do at times wish I’d have tried harder, but at one point it became too tough. Ex 1) I made a comment about wanting to be a pilot. We both knew I would never be able to do that. I don’t have the clean mental health to be able to do that. We were dating for only a few months and they acted as though we were a few years in. ex 2) My brothers wedding; I felt hounded for not texting them enough even though they damn well knew I was at a wedding. Setting up. Photos, enjoying the party. This led to the end. I got sick that wedding weekend. I had a headache, I could hardly stand, got an infection and could hardly hear and got an eye infection I had to take days off work for. Trying to explain that I wasn’t able to text or talk just. Well we just stopped talking at that point and didn’t pick back up. Not sure if they thought I was avoiding them, and maybe I was. But I wasn’t. I was fucking sick. And I didn’t try to contact them. eventually it became too awkward. We essentially ghosted each other. It wasn’t a real breakup. it was still a good time, even if there was a little more contact than I wanted. Hugging. Hand holding. That sort of stuff. Tame, yes, childish even, but it was hard for me and makes me feel awkward thinking about it.Still, I think about them often. Even a year later, wondering.I’m comfortable being alone, (haha I’d say happy but I’m not), but at the same time I wonder what coulda been. Kinda a sad thought.