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What's wrong with me?!

Okay so I'm in 10t grade and I'm very tensed about my board exams also my family expect a lot from me ugh

my sibling taunts me mocks me that I'm a failure and not worth it I can't have a phone or watch any movie or series

ok I understand that but don't tell me that I will fail for fucks' sake!

I cry myself to sleep every night and I even started to hate myself and I think I'm a terrible person

I think I'm better off dead

no one really care even if I'm dead cause I'm not worth it

"I'm such a terrible person" "I'll fail my board" these are the voices that echo during night and I cant sleep

I imagine how to end me and kill myself but I don't have enough courage

My parents think I will pass NEET in my first try but I'm damn sure that's not going to happen and I will disappoint them

All my friends have their own personal phones but I don't have one and I kinda feel im missing out

we go to park and they are take candids and all those pics to remember in future I can't do that


Sometimes I think that i just need a friend who really cares for me and I can share everything to him/her so yeah that friend is my diary which apparently i read by everyone and is not acceptable for me so I write here online

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Re: What's wrong with me?!

I have had some suicidal thoughts as well but for the same reason I don't have enough courage to do it. From what I heard though suicide is an impulsive thing where people just want the pain to end when the stress gets too much and the people who have attempted and survived regretted it in the middle of the act. I pray that things will get better for you. That really sucks and I'll be your friend if you'll let me🙁

I understand you, I'm in the exact same boat. Same story as you, I too am a 10th grader, but unlike you I've disappointed my family so much that even they don't think I'll pass 10th grade, I too hear the voices you talk about but I just can't go through with it. Sometimes I too think that my parents would be better off without me.