Whelp, There Goes Life

I self-diagnosed for severe depression on multiple little health websites, but then I found a comment somewhere that said anyone who resorted to self harm was a coward for wanting to escape the real world. So...? It's not like I can tell my parents about it, and definitly not the therapist they already have for me. The rule 'if you say anything wrong, I'll report you' has always seemed just a bit ridiculus to me. My therapist is an intern and school-provided, so she thinks the biggest problems I have are talking to teachers and getting used to social distancing. Another place I checked said that I should keep doing whatever I'm doing, just with therapy on top of it. That's... weird. So I should keep pushing myself way past my limits, and talk to a random person about my problems on top of it? Oh... that's what I'm doing now. But seriously, I feel very stuck. Suggestions?

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5 months ago

Re: Whelp, There Goes Life

Dude. I relate. I’m older. I went thru so much abuse for entire childhood. I have ptsd. Must see therapist to get meds. Need meds to help. Multiple people committed sex crimes on me. So I couldn’t tell them who & specifics or they’d report. So I had to wait for the Old people to die. Plus a nut try abduct me. They want me tell them specifics. I don’t know his name. He not know mine. So if I describe they will look & will leak to news. Then he will know I reported. What if media get my name & lean it. Fuck that. I’d rather deal with memories from young age than have a nut try kill me a second time. So I tell them oh did I tell you that; I don’t remember & I will not discuss it again. Fuck that. If I knew enough to catch him I’d just tell my cop relatives. I know just enough for him to recognize was him in paper; & if media leak my info then I got s nut I can’t ID hunting me to shut me up. Screw that. Im old so he’d be so old now he’s probably dead. I tried to tell as a kid. But I’m autistic so no one listened. I’ll try think & offer advice. But hopefully you see lots of us have same damn problem. Afraid to tell everything because of consequences.

Check this out. I had anerism. They door me up. I wake up in hospital. Drugs & anerism cause me talk in sleep. They record & call people. My wife couldn’t believe it. Im forced to see therapists. Start talk. Get PTSD from Anerism. They talk with wife. I’d never discussed. Wife call them. They freak; talk with each other, & claim I made up. Yrs later she realize they have confirmed every odd thing if said except the illegal stuff. She realizes I’d told truth. They were all old. Now they are gone. Sometimes the risk of tell is worse than deal with it.

However; if you are consider suicide that’s not; especially if under age. I had a niece that start build up. I tell her parents take to therapist. They try let it go. Then not want discuss the suicide talk. She got very mad from her bipolar. Finally they tell truth; she admit truth. She gets right treatment & can actually talk about what really is bother her. She calms. By 20 she is stable. Her records are sealed unless become violent criminal. If so that saying was think about suicide as teen will just help her. Shows very depressed but sought help.

Granted who knows how parents react. My ex wouldn’t let me see kids. Then they all melted down. She beg me come see them. So long as I visit weekly they are fine.

Your brain chemicals as teen & early 20’s are pain in ass. Many of us are fine then hit puberty & get depression. At about 23-25 it starts slow for most. Mine is unusual; It got worse after anerism. I have photo graphic memory that makes much worse. But I deal with it. That’s why I’m on here trying to help people realize that it gets easier as age for most & you can learn to deal with it.

I’ll think if can be more than revise on what you can do.

5 months ago

Re: Whelp, There Goes Life

As for talk about say suicide. They warn you that if you tell them then they will tell others. That’s because if they don’t & you do it they lose job & can be sued.

So if you are think about suicide & afraid to tell them because fear consequences ask self this. Are you out of control? Shaking? Dropping stuff? Yelling in empty room? Yelling at people for no reason? Cutting self? These may be signs you need to tell them about suicide.

Some go the other way. They get sad & quite. They usually start telling a person close to them. They should tell.

You are in an earlier stage. You are on a website. What’s really happening here is depression is weighing on you. These chemical caused issues are causing depression. The depression weighs on you. You want to be happy. So suicide is so in our mind. On the news; in movies. So you think no feeling may beat feeling bad.

Nope. I have severe depression. I have a disease that seems to try to kill me once a year. I’ve almost died twice in last 5 months. Every time I’m sicker & weaker for rest of life. Lose something else. If it’s a bad incident I may have to do months of therapy to try to walk correctly again; or use an arm, or whatever. It’s endless.

But every time I almost die my brain quits making me depressed. It instead sends different chemicals. These chemicals say hey; wake up; it’s no big deal; we can deal with that stuff; let’s live. As you are close to death you will not want to die. Sadly many will die horrified that they are dying & realize they did it to themselves.

The universe & stars are very old. As you get older time seems to go faster & faster. It seems like I was in high school yesterday. Now I’m almost 60. Now I’m like wow; it seems like I’ve barely lived.

You need to tell whichever of the three you trust the most if you start really feeling suicidal & think you may actually do it. Most people are thinking about it but not close to doing. I’ve been think about since 4th grade but my life was a horror show. Years of every abuse possible. Yet I’ve had a lot of laughs & great times.

The fact you had the courage to ask here shows you are much braver than you think. It took courage. Since you were brave enough to do that then your courageous enough to deal with. We all think everyone around us is braver than us. Only insane people are. Most of us hide it & laugh.

I used to bench almost 600 lbs. weigh 285 lbs. I’ve hunted & killed animals that can kill you. I’ve been shot at. Yet I get sad; have depression, & cry. Crying is good when alone or with someone who cares. Let it all out. Face it. Accept it.

I can’t tell you much. My family is military. Special Forces & stuff. I have a relative that did classified stuff. He’s been shot. All sorts of stuff like in the movies. I’ve seen him sad; cry; start talk to self & shake. All of us are human. Some of us can be brave when needed. But it catches up with us.

As a kid I would hunt at night. I realized a predator was hunting me in pitch black. Weighed more than me. Faster. So we hunted each other. I won. But once I got my ass out of those deep woods. Got home in my bed. I started shaking like a leaf. Those of us who seem heroic to most are just wired a little different. Our brains are wired to delay the response. If we hide it too well too often we have PTSD when older. Like me.

Try to think. What issues cause you to feel this way. Can you change it. One of my kids started having stress at school. I finally took to therapist. She was being threatened by a gang. Had been in some rough fights with 3-5 fight her alone. They threw her friend down steps. She’s more physical & stronger than most boys. So some boys were call her gay. A teacher was mock her for carry a Bible & this caused kids in class to lie. We slowly dealt with all that but as she aged it disappeared.

In high school I had a nervous wreck friend. Once he got out of school he started calming down.

Many feel overwhelmed as teen due to brain chemicals & subconscious. Your inner mind is worried about all the large aggressive males around you. It’s thinking will I have to fight. Teachers can get you in trouble; fail on you. You have to depend on parents for everything. It all weighs on you.