7 months ago
Time Spent- 26m
16 Visitors

When Darkness Calls.

I've been with the same man for three years. I am a bigger person, have been my whole life. He fell in love with me for me, and I for him. We have been honest with each other since the beginning. I told him all about my previous relationships, he did the same, or so I thought. This one girl, I'll call her Megan, is an ex-girlfriend of his. I had asked about her during the first year and he promised me there was nothing to worry about, she was just a good friend. This past week I had found a conversation dating back to February 2020, very flirty. The worst part is that he had it hidden on his phone, more specifically, in the Spam folder with notifications muted, on FB Messenger. I asked him about it and he initially lied, said he wasn't talking to her, and there was no hidden conversation between them. This is also the same night I found out that they had actually dated. [This is three years of lies, I don't know how many other conversations they've had like the one I saw].He finally broke down and told me the truth, the next day while he was at work. He did apologise and I'm not sure if I accept it. I'm having a hard time dealing with this, and it may be because I'm five and a half months pregnant with our first child. I also learned that she has a child and he was playing step-dad while they dated (two plus years). This hurt my heart because I thought we were going to experience this new baby together, as new parents, but he already has had that experience with someone else. What broke me is how beautiful she is. She has her hair and her make-up done every day, she dresses lovely. I don't... I try but being pregnant has taken the best out of me, as I'm dealing with hyperemesis (severe morning sickness), so sometimes I can barely lift my head off the pillows. I don't think he realizes how much this has affected me. He calls me beautiful and pretty, but this has absolutely torn any self-confidence I had to shreds. Everything inside my chest hurts. I feel myself slinking back into the darkness I've struggled so hard to get out of and I don't know how to stop it. I'm scared. I feel alone, I feel unwanted, I feel unloved, and I don't know what to do.