i’m a fourteen year old girl. a couple days ago my mom got diagnosed with breast cancer. about a month ago my uncle got diagnosed with colon cancer. he’s very lucky, he’s getting treated at the mayo clinic or something. my mom hasn’t started any treatment yet. tomorrow she’s getting an MRI or something. i lost my grandfather to cancer three years ago. i should get to the point. basically, if this cancer kills my mother i’m killing myself. my mother hasn’t been in great health for a while now. my home life has been pretty rocky. she suffers from depression, adhd and bipolar disorder. my brother is autistic and failing highschool. my dad is the only one with his shit together. i am so grateful for my father. without him and his job, we would all be dead by now. ever since i was seven i’ve had awful (diagnosed) depression, anxiety, adhd, ocd and hashimotos disease. i struggled with an eating disorder for years and am trying to quit self harm. i’ve attempted suicide twice. my mom has attempted twice also. i’m tired. i haven’t been happy for a long time, and i’m ready to move on. i’ve been ready to die for years, but i know that if my mom dies i will 100% go with her. i love her so much. it has been so hard watching her deteriorate. she is losing her head. i can’t stand it. i just want to be a happy, normal family. i have never gotten to experience that. all my friends have normal, upper class, happy families. i want that so bad. i love my mom with my whole heart. the cancer feels like punishment. i am catholic and believe in God. I am supposed to Confirm in a couple months. i am having doubts. if God loves me, why is my life so shitty? why is he doing this to my mother! why is he doing this to my uncle? why did he kill my grandpa? it is hard not to resent God. That’s it. Sorry this is so messy, i am breaking down right now. Thanks.