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When will I die?

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Do you know there's a site where you will answer the questions then click your answer. Then calculates it, and tada! Year 2055 is when i am going to die.


I googled it. I typed, when will i die?..... Isn't it just sad? I googled it because why at the end of the day, I felt empty. I googled this too.. And yeah, some answered it.


Sometimes i fear death, because of the very reason of those loved ones you'd be leaving behind. Whether will they be okay? Financially? Emotionally?... Will they miss me? Will they suffer? Will they even think of me after years? Or would someone even remember me? Or have i done something meaningful in my life and to others? Have i really lived?


But then, why question if i am dead. On the otherhand, i would like to welcome death.


Why?


Because i know, i would be able to be with my dad. My lolo and lola. My tatay and nanay. My best friend.


And my son. Have you ever experienced your loved one died? Seen him at a coffin? Where he is, and all you can talk with is his tomb. Talk to God, how he is and telling God you miss him. And I just cry, because no one will answer. Cant hear any. Cant hug. Cant feel.


If anyone could relate to me... I don't know how miserable i am living now, knowing you only have memories of them. Only tears. I can't remember to be genuinely happy knowing they're gone. To smile on birthdays, celebrations and successes without them around.


I died when my love one died. I died during their wake. I died from walking from the funeral to their deathbeds. I died. And i know, i will never be the same again.


Year 2055, hope i could make it.