Life has been weird and I need to get it off my chest but I know it won't be taken kindly so let my preface this by say: I know a lot of my doings are wrong, I don't know why I dont care. I'm breaking it into segments so it's easier to digest. This is where it all started. I'll sign all writings with "Lavendar Chemise" for those who want to follow along. The last time my life was "normal" was probably about 5 years ago, I was 19 at the time, lived with a boyfriend, we had a nice rental house and a cute dog. We had been together for 3 years, we hung out with all the same people and had almost a social routine. Work through the week, party through the weekend, rinse and repeat. The partying seemed extreme to me at the time but now feels all too familiar. We'd sit on a cute patio in a friends yard, drink until we were stupid then drink some more. Eventually I started smoking M*******a. As someone from a relatively strict house hold this was all so foreign. The older I got the more I started to find myself. I came out as bisexual and our mutuals were uncomfortable as I became the only queer in the circle. My boyfriend offered to let me sleep with women, I took him up on that offer and overtime we agreed I could also see other men as his drive was lacking. I was pretty successful at finding partners but he wasnt, it put stress on the relationship which shortly after imploded. We broke up on a New Years Eve which resulted in me spending the night with a newer partner and his wife. I had met the new partner through work and shortly started getting to know his wife as well. That night we got drunk and had a threesome, which became a regular thing. They had 4 children: 2, 5, 11, and 14. The kids and I became close, especially the 11 year old who at first was the most resistant to her parent's new dynamic. We went on late night walmart runs and I'd even tag along with them to pick up girl scout cookies from the Den Mother's house, being introduced as her parent's girlfriend which surely shook up the average doting upper class housewives. Over time they began using me as a middle man and a therapist, expecting me to resolve their issues with eachother. It became too much when the husband started threatening suicide or to leave his wife. I exited Stage Left. He handled it better than she did, she and I immediately cut ties whereas he and I stayed friends. During this time I had moved out of my exs house and in with my father who was a hoarder. His house was filthy, he had no water until I paid off his past due bill, the shower head was broken so I had to bathe in the tub washing my hair under the tubs faucet. I started dating a new guy that we'll call Al. After about a month I became ill and hospitalized for a night before we discovered I developed mold poisoning from the ceiling in my father's house. After this I moved in with Al. We had only been dating for a month but we met in middle school, I knew him for years and he was my first kiss in 9th grade though we never dated. He became abusive. I could go anywhere without him, he searched my phone nightly, and he raped me. Frequently. He tried to get me pregnant against my will and I had nowhere to go so I stayed. One night his parents that we lived with took percocet together and the father overdosed. I found him, gave him CPR and called 911 but he didnt make it. The next morning we hadn't slept at all and I was blamed then raped again. I decided to leave him a few days after. He punched me in the face. I ended up moving in with my estranged mother. I will have to continue this story another time, Until then, -Lavendar Chemise