Yesterday I passed out under my ex wife’s house for hours. I was fixing her foundation. I’m extremely disabled. Should be dead. I shouldn’t be able to do that. I will myself to do the impossible. I’m apparently dying. When I die that house is all she & the kids will have. Without my help they will be forced to sell it fast. They don’t know I’m apparently dying. So I’m pushing myself with all I have. I had her a house paid off. She sold it & went in debt. I had lots of life insurance but I somehow outlived it. No one will insure me now. So all I can do is one final gesture. Fix all I can. But my body doesn’t like it. I go put one day in. All I have. I may die doing it. Then I drive to another state. Pulling over. I can stay focused when I drive & stuff. But it’s like when my brain says ok. This a hole wont listen. Were sick. So as soon as he lays down under the house or something. Pass out. Get some rest. I woke up in hardened concrete LOL. Well. Beat the jagged blocks & bricks I’d tossed beside it. Now I get to spend 6 days laying in bed. Muscle spasms. Pain. You name it. I can’t even go to pee. I’m peeing in jugs. I set water; crackers; pee jugs. Germ X by my cot. Then I rehab my body for days. I’m like a knight but not. I live my honor. I will endure all of this just to fix something for my loved ones. Plant bushes for my ex. Teach my kids to change spark plugs. Fix a fence. One day when they call I won’t answer. I have no $. To spare them my organs are to be harvested I hope. Unless they find out I don’t know what happens to the rest of me. Last time I was in the hospital I didn’t even tell them. Nearly died in another state. To save me they sent me far from home. Then had to boot me out in the cold rain. Too young for Medicaid. Too sick to work for insurance. So I have some coverage. Just enough to amass massive debt. I didn’t even go last time. Just lay in floor. I can’t afford any more. So I guess this is my last fight. My ex is very sick. As is my autistic son. I have two other kids. I must help make their house payment. Help them with medical bills. A real man must be willing to fall with his sword in his hand. I’m descended from great warriors. I will die like them. Fighting for who I love. If I die trying to help them then that’s honorable. I’ve risked my life to save strangers. Why not my own loved ones? I’ve fought this disease for many years & lived when I should have died for them. But even hero’s die. Look at Disney. They are even killing off all the pretend hero’s nobody likes any more. Modern Americans don’t like Steve Rogers or Tony Stark. They want them to die. Be replaced. That’s the nature of reality. We all must die. So as I’m stuck in this bed I wonder. Who am I? What is an American? I’m technically Native American. But I’m also a cowboy. I’m descended from knights; Scandinavians; Spanish; blacks. Who am I? Who are my people? I’m the American media; colleges, & Hollywood I’m the enemy. I bow to God. I pray. I read the Bible. I have hunted. Fished. I wear a very large cross. I do that to let people know who I serve. I’m an American; but I will kneel to no man. Only to God. My family used to be knights. They decided they’d rather be free. So I’ll never bow to a politician; the media, a nit wit actor. I follow the Constitution. My family helped fight that war. We’ve fought every war since. We used to fight wars in other lands. It’s weird. A lot of military families bled down into me. Same for my wife. My kids have quiet the DNA. But that stuffs meaningless today. I tried to teach my kids that. When I married I was going into the Air Force. My young wife said stay in college instead. Begged me. So I did. Realized she was right. She said why do all our men keep killing & bleeding for a country full of people who don’t care? She’s right. Why should only our kids serve? Well both our families are also full of athletes. Mostly college. Some pro athletes. I could have played college sports had I wanted. Got burned out early. I preferred other stuff like science & art. I’d be a soldier. Then something else. Why did I want to run up & down a football field? All that practice. I had to tend cattle. Plant crops. Hunt. Fish. Cut down trees. I didn’t need practice I felt. I could just show up & dominate. So I quit. But I decided let my kids use sports. Become engineers. Then my wife suddenly divorced me when she got sick. Without me the families got to my kids. My kids friends dads got to them. My ex waffled. Now my kids want to be soldiers. My ex is a goof. Sweet. Kind. But no offense; women need to stick to being women with a few exceptions. A few of you are tough. Most are not. Hey; most modern American men aren’t tough either. Even the ones who think they are. If my wife had said they’d be soldiers I’d molded them differently. They can bow hunt. But they aren’t rough. Soldiers must be tough. That’s why I accepted the Air Force. But what if they bail out? See drop me anywhere in the world & I’ll be the toughest guy there. I’m like a mid evil night mare come to life. Or I was. In my mind I still am. Guys like me have no off switch. No fear of other men. A friend of mine once said guys like me drove him crazy on the battlefield. He said everyone else trying to run away. Guys like you run to the fight. Very true. That’s who I am. As a small boy vets hunted with me. They’d let me roam far & wide. I was a better hunter than them. When you night hunt pre night vision goggle it’s your senses. Not sight. I’m great at that. I’m like an animal. Well one night a big cat decided to hunt me. Big mistake. I ate it. That’s who I am. But I’m also the guy who risked his life to save a little girl. Who prays for others. I’m a paradox. I’m a man born in the wrong era. There’s no room for men like me in the modern world. That’s why Disney killed off all the old hero’s & will let other people wear their cloths. Hey Mickey Mouse. The hero is the person. Not the clothes. It’s stupid & lazy to have a new hero dressing up like a different hero. Disney is so lame. Oh I like their kids movies. But they are messing up Star Wars & Marvel. You wanna kill Steve Rogers & Cap? Fine. Bury the shield & the iron suit. Let the new hero’s develop their own stories. Their own weapons. It’s moronic to dress up a new hero like they are trick or treating. Pathetic Disney. Be creative. Star Wars. What’s up with that? You buy a franchise then kill everyone off & do what? So the new hero is female. That’s cool I can dig it. But it made no sense. Vader started out tough. First time I saw it I guessed right. I said part man. Part machine. Part knight. Part magician. Precisely. No one agreed with me back when we were standing in line when it first hit the screens. Still got my Jawas in the vinyl capes. Yes I was too old for that. I’m part nerd. The bad guy must be the toughest person. Luke couldn’t beat him. He aged. Then he changed back. He was redeemed. That was the story. Oh Lucas got mad at Fox & threw in the stupid Ewoks. Hold on. Tennessee coach. I watched that game. He had on no face mask. He wore what looked like an old cowboy hanky design (when we ride horses in dust it’s a filter). Mostly we blow our nose on it. Or cover a cut. Anyways. This fool had a weird face covering. It looked wrapped around his head. The colors looked like an old dog food commercial or something. Checkered. Hat on top. My mind said Ewok. He’s short & round. Classic. I thought give him a stick & he’s an Ewok. I bought those stupid Ewok toys from that movie. Droids. Revenge of the Jedi. Kids sold it all to help their mom after she put all our lives on the spin cycle. Back to Disney. WTF Donald? The new Vader gets out dueled by a storm trooper & untrained girl. They are supposed to need training. Storm troopers are DNA altered to be morons. They are loyal but incompetent against pros like me. Yet he struggles to beat a storm trooper? And an untrained teen? This means your new super villain can be challenged by any storm trooper from the old movies. And fought to a standstill by basically anyone. So he’s as scary as the average person handing out popcorn at the theaters? My kids wanted to leave half way. They bailed on Star Wars & Marvel. Sold all their stuff. Kids have choices. Halo. Call or Duty. Bat Man. I guess Disney is going for the middle income suburban house wives & working moms. They honestly make the financial decisions. What cable to get. PJs & toys to buy. It’s merchandise for Disney. The movies are just a tool to sell more crap. Marvel used to make good toys. You ever buy Disney toys? Garbage. Run those big Lightning McQueen or mid sized iron man cars into something & the cheap plastic breaks. My family basically banned buying any Disney toys that aren’t stuffed animals at Christmas. So the new hero in Star Wars is who’s son? Obvi it should have been Lukes. Nope. Kenobis? Nope. The daughter of the bad guy. Well the sith & Jedi were both always trying to balance the force in different ways I suppose. But what about the source of the force? Little microscopic beings that you drew on. Nope. None of that. Disney is cheap & lazy. Target audience is kids of middle income women. They know they can shake quarters out of their pockets. So everyone who built up Marvel from the 60s. And Star Wars from the 70s are irrelevant. Story lines & history meaningless. Just kill everyone off & replace them. Throw it all to the wind to sell toys & merchandise to suburbia. I loved Mickey Long ago. Not so much now. Had to mess up stuff I like. Had my kids not set in the movies & complained. Had I not heard their kids complained. I’d say I was just old. But I listen to Gaga. I know I’m not the problem. Disney bites the big one.