I don't know is it just me or other girls is like this also. But a week before my period come my mood will turn really bad until the point of depression.
So I was having one break down the other day. Before any further I need to tell something first, so I have this private channel in telegram that I made total private and only have two people in it. Me and my master. I use it as a safe ground if I wanna tell something that I can't speak out or thought that can say I will write in there. So go back to the storey,i was having a break down in the middle or the night alone. No one to talk to and no one to find. So I naturally use my channel to say out my thoughts so they wont fill my head with toxic thoughts. But they are all true. That time I was very lonely. It's been a month since I meet or really talk to anyone so when I write in that channel part of me want to express my thoughts, part of me want to make my master alert of my situation.
But he just ask me what the fuck am I doing spamming his phone this late at night.
So I shut up, tell him everything is fine.
But truly I was crying my ass off and petting my head like he use to, holding my own hand telling myself is ok, is ok, everything is fine everything is ok, nothing to worry about, I'm just thinking to much, everything is ok. And cry myself to sleep. I sleep at 7 am.
Afterwards I never greet him anymore, I didn't talk to him anymore.
But he doesn't care.
Why would you care anymore?
Am I not your bitch anymore?
Am I worth nothing to you anymore?
We are still together and nothing change.
You really break my heart cause you will never know how hopeless I feel at that time how I even live. But I still love you.