I'm young. I have a great family. I am fortunate enough to have all I have. I'm healthy. Then why do I feel like this? Maybe because all my friends left me for better. Maybe because I'm stupid enough to use the same excuse for why I'm failing my classes all of the sudden. Maybe because I'm aware there are ways to make myself better, yet I refuse to do anything about. I don't deserve to be happy, yet I am. I always just want to slap that stupid smile off my face. On the plus side, I'm aware of atleast one thing. I deserve any bit of pain I feel. I'll go out of my way to create more pain. More punishment for all the awful and wierd things I've done. Then I'll start pondering death. It'll both give me the pain I deserve, and free me from it. Free me from the hole I've dug so deep that I don't know how to get out. Now, I don't even know what I want. Do I want to be saved from this cycle of pain or give into it and let it take me? Why am I even wasting my time with this. I'm only in middle school yet I feel like my life might as well be over. I just want these feelings to stop. Death or finding a better ending, either way is fine.