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why can't i be happy

i feel like i can't be happy. i just think at this point it's useless to even try and when i do it hurts emotionally because i know i'm lying.

there comes to points where i don't move all day because i feel there's no point to even try anymore.

i know people care for me and will be so sad if anything ever happened to me, but where does that leave me? depressed in my bed for weeks without eating a single meal?

i just wish i could genuinely smile and laugh.