Why can't I be the person I always wanted to be ??

I'm always trying my best to become like them. I want to be normal. I want to do what normal people can like talking in front of public, talking to strangers and making new friends. But I still fail, even the simplest way to be normal is hard for me. I can't even throw trash outside, can't buy on near store and need to ask my sister or parents to buy for me. I don't even have friends, I only have my family. I easily lose friends because I'm having a hard time on talking with them like ask them how's their day and such. I always feel like I'm just using them every time I attempt to make conversation with some of them. I'm not good at talking so keeping a conversation is a challenge. With that, they tend to lose interest on me and make them turn to others who can talk unlike me. I'm single since birth and I'm already 23, still a virgin and I feel more that I am not normal. It makes me compare myself to others and that makes me less confident in life and it destroys me. Now I'm only writing this to make me feel better, to reduce the pain I'm carrying because of these factors in me. Please tell me why can't I be the person I always wanted to be? Can I still change??? :(

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2 months ago

Re: Why can't I be the person I always wanted to be ??

Hey stranger,

I think I have the same life problem with you, I also wish I was "normal", I wish I knew how to make small talk with people to make new friends. Fortunately for me tho, being a guy/boy/male can make my "non-normal" ways seem like I'm a just trying to be funny or be a comedian, when in all honesty it is uncomfortable and awkward as fuck for me to be around people. It is really hard to make true friends because you can't talk serious topics with people because it's too awkward for you and you'll end up saying an inappropriate joke just so you can chime in with the conversation causing other people to think your an asshole when truthfully you really do care about them but you just don't know how to show it.

I can't tell you that life is gonna get easier for us "awkward" types, but I can tell you to just hang in there and just wait for that someone who compliments your uniqueness and can genuinely have a normal conversation with you.

2 months ago

Re: Why can't I be the person I always wanted to be ??

Friends are those who can go with years without talking and still be considered friends. If they stay away from you then they're not your friends. I don't talk to people that much. It's a drag for me to ask about people's days but I am concerned about them. Perhaps this is also how you feel? Anyway, everyone is unique. Some are good in talking, some are good in staying quiet, observing and reading people. You are still very young and have a lot more opportunities ahead of you. Perhaps what you want for yourself is there but you haven't realized it yet? I settled with not making too much friends but staying and being quiet with a few. It's weird but for me it's completely normal. There will be a time when we'd want to come out of our shell but I think we should not push for it, it will just come. Focus on observing the kind of people you want to be with because I think if you you already know, talking to them won't be a problem anymore because they mirror you. I hope this helps. 😅