The man I live with, love and sleep together with is not my “boyfriend”, but agrees to marry me. Since we’re not technically a couple, he sometimes sleeps with other women. Not often, but I also don’t want to know about it. I told him that I don’t care if he brings someone home while I’m at work, but I don’t want to know about it and no sex where I sleep. I came home this morning and his car wasn’t pulled up all the way in the drive, so I moved it. Then I realize the wrapper of my pot brownies is on the floorboard of the car, empty. I go inside and he’s sleeping. I get into bed with a separate sheet and fall asleep. I wake up and he’s texting next to me. I get up and use the bathroom. I came back to the bedroom and he’s in the front room. I looked down and on the bedroom floor is a thong that’s not mine. I didn’t say anything, but I’m screaming inside. I walk into the front room and hold it out for him to take. Neither of us said anything and I just walked back to the bedroom and shit the door. I pulled the blankets off the bed and find a dish towel with red stuff on it. I didn’t think much of it. I pull the pillows and the sheets off the bed too. I grab my clean anime blanket and lay down on my bare mattress. Crying. Just crying. I have to pee and while I’m in the bathroom I see a used tampon stick in the trash can. I’m instantly disgusted. I hate my life. I hate myself. Yet I still love him and and hate him at one time.