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Why not killing yourself?

My life is wonderful.Almost...uhm I’ve got ed which is really cumbersome.I guess I’m just going nuts a little cuz I’m hurting myself btw. I need help like to pay a visit to some docs but my parents won’t allow me to do this cuz they hate doctors for starters. They don’t trust them and I can get it but I haven’t been sleeping for some days haven’t been eating for more than 4 weeks haven’t been able to do anything cause I drink a lot of coffee don’t have enough strength.Idk I just don’t think that it’s possible to change anything,so.. why not just killing yourself?Hah I’ll just die. Despite my desire I’m still and all in doubt if I really want to die or just too weak to continue fighting