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worse than rape

I already wrote about the fact that I was staying with two guys and they called the cops on me saying I threatened to hurt myself. I'm sorry. I just need more venting.

Believe me when I say it was not true and not an act of compassion. In another case, yes, it might be. Maybe a person would need medical help. Me....no. That is not what happened. Now...I do kinda wish I was dead but it's because people I thought were my friends did this to me. And....it's not the first time somebody did something to me too horrible for words.

I think maybe it's the third one. This is the worst one. It's the worst because I was already so vulnerable. And they knew that. And they did this to hurt me. And they were my friends. And I was a guest in their home. That is why this is #1.

I thought it over. This was the worst one. But I've had about three times where people did something to me more horrible than rape. I think I could deal with being raped. I could survive that. I mean...if a guy put his dick in my ass involuntarily, I could deal with that. That would not ruin my life. It might be painful for a while. But afterward he would leave and it would be over. Maybe then I go to the hospital. The bleeding stops. And it's over. There are far worse things. I wish I had just been raped instead of this.