When did it start? My family is loving but dysfunctional. In his younger years, my father had a violent temper and he was physically abusive towards both my Ma and I. From my childhood till today (I'm in my late-twenties), I haven't spend a single year when I was not hit by him except during my study abroad. He is a wonderful father - he has done everything for me. My extended family members are hypocrites and fanatics who believe women are lesser than men. My father has always shielded me from them and provided me with an excellent education. However, the old memories still hurt a lot. Then there is my mother - I don't know if she has always been emotionally abusive or her ill health has worsened it. Her emotional abusive towards me is extreme and I am utterly ashamed to say that I ended up being violent with her. I had gone abroad for studies and vowed to never come back to my country. However, I had to come back and live with my parents (in my country it is norm to live with ones' parents and I don't have the means to move out).Things are worsening at my home and especially my mental health. I have hurt my parents and lost all patience. I feel my heart will burst and I cannot control sobbing. I feel like I am the worst of the worst for my violence. All I want is death because I have lost every drop of optimism and all I feel towards myself is hatred. I have lost my confidence and my dream of finding love. All I feel is worthless (something that my parents continue to use at times) and what is the point of a worthless being alive?
5 months ago
I’m so sorry you feel this way....because I’m going through something similar but pls don’t give up on yourself find the strength anything and keep going! Be strong! You have to! Pls pls pls don’t give up on yourself. Everyone on this earth has a purpose to fulfil and so do you! Don’t give up!