I’ve started to notice that whenever I look at the uhm.. the corpses and blood on crime shows i-god this is so fucked up. Corpses and blood and rot turn me on and I don’t fucking like it, there’s something about a corpse.. or just something about someone that isn’t living, being able to do anything with them, cut their skin, look inside them, touch them, look at them during their last moments... and watching them rot. There’s something about watching something rot, it’s just such a fascinating process, I would love to watch a body decompose in a forest or on concrete.. I don’t want to hurt anyone-god I don’t think I could kill someone.. but I’ve thought about it since I was 12, but I know I can’t kill anyone or hurt anyone because I know the repercussions, I need to stop feeling like this because I don’t want to hurt anyone, but even if I did kill someone... would I stop at just 1 person? Would I keep killing until I got caught? I could make a name for myself.. I’d eat the flesh, heart, kidneys, and brains of my victims, I’ve always wondered what human tasted like... GOD I shouldn’t think like this! Imagine what my family would go through? And the victims families??? I don’t want to ruin people’s lives.. but if I did kill someone that had no friends or family-no I can’t think that! God! I’m having an argument about killing someone with myself! So fucking stupid! Ughhh!!! But like... i know I’ll ruin my life ahead of me if I kill, but what if I kill a few times and die from suicide by cop? I barely want to live anyway most days, why not bring some people with me when I die? God I’m fucked up.